everything jusgone*

emo elmo =((

2011-04-06T01:35:00.003+08:00

thought my this bloggie will be left untouched for long time. never expected that i will be blogging again today.
maybe i am just too upset and emo. so many work left undone and to prepare for this sem. somehow, i'm hating my course more and more. which is really bad for me. it means there will be no motivation for me to study. and my results now are so bad already. i have to pull my GPA. i tink my dream of going an exchange during Year 3 sem 2 can forgo. fat hope for it. sighs.
just wish to complete this sem as soon as possible.
and yes, i must say out. to make myelf feel much better. i really HATE HW111. to the max. screw up so many times during the tutorial. especially during the 1 min presentation. i dont know what exactly has happened to me when i come to university. everything just seems to go wrong, especially on my vocal skills and confidence level of presenting in front of everyone. seriously i need to do something about it. and the more i think of it, i get even more pissed and upset of myself. is affecting my study now too.
i hope to do well and prove myself during my 5 min presentation. so kami-sama, please give me the strength and power to do so by then. let me impress everyone and even myself. i am praying hard for it.

sad?

2010-09-22T22:54:00.001+08:00

i wonder why do i always feel so sad or get all teary because of you? isn't being in a relationship should be feeling blissful? at first everything is really wonderful n happy, but i dont understand why for now, all i can feel is only sadness or pain. that kind of feeling when it happens, it will just prolong in my heart like thousands of needles poking at me, or something heavy that is pulling my heart down. My tears will just want to flow out. But for now, I have started to learn to force my tears back.

Because you dont like to see me cry. I will make myself to try not to cry. If it happens, I'll cry in silence.

emo =((

2010-08-26T20:43:00.003+08:00

yaa, time for me to blog againn. school's going to start again next mondayy. it's a new start of a school year. i'm BS Year 2 student by then.
somehow, i don't know why i've been feeling quite low these days. maybe because school's going to start, so my mood isn't that good. and many problems just keep coming to me. maybe there's no problems at all, just that i keep thinking there're problems. every single day, i will always feel upset or emo. no matter how i try to go out and keep myself occupy not to think about anything, but i will still feel upset about everything. my family, my boyfriend, even my friends.
at times, i really feel like just ignore everything. maybe i should just give up on everythingg. is true, why i want to make myself feel so miserable? why i keep having these kind of thoughts that i want to make everyone happy? and end up i myself feeling so upset? why do i keep feeling so low and my heart is always feeling so hurtful?
school's going to start already and it seems like my mood is still not improvingg. i cant sustain this kind of attitude and behaviour within myself. study is going to be another problem for me. if i still have to make myself feeling troubled or miserable over so many things, i'm sure my studies will be affected.
somehow, i hope that i can be a badd person or cold hearted. just ignore everything and care about myself. at least i wont feel so upset until now. yes, i'll lose all the precious people around me. i'm wondering if i should do that and does it worth it.
it seems like everything that happens around me will affect my mood so muchh. even just a minor thing i will also get so upset. even jus writing this entry can also make my heart hurts. why am i feeling so low?
i'm tired of feeling so hurt all the times.crying has become such a norm thing for me that at times, i'm thinking, exactly how much tears do i have for me to shed? why my tears will just keep flowing? will there be a time that my tears will just finish?
for now, i just want to say, if there's a day when all of you realise that why i never bother about anything anymore, please forgive me. because i think i cant take anymore. i dont meant it too but i think i reach my limit. just treat it as i dont exist.
because feeling upset and emo everyday is become very tiresome on me. even people who never do anything wrongg, i somehow also affect them. i don't know whyy.
okayy, i will try not to think about anything from now on. this's what i want to give myself for now.
today will be my last day that i'll shed my tears suddenly for out of no reasons.

frustrated.

2010-05-03T00:33:00.003+08:00

yeahh. ever since my 2nd sem starts, i never blogged alr until today. i am in the midst of exam periods. 2 more papers to go and i'm done for this sem. but these days, i am feeling somehow moody and frustrated. i even cried for many times, maybe too stressed upp. i deserved it for always slacking and doing last minute mugging. last sem was worst. i never really bothered to study, ended up with a very poor GPA. however, i acted no different from last sem too. i still slacked to the last minute before i started to mugg.
i dont know is it because i am somehow coopedd at home for the past few days. so i'm feeling quite restless and pissed off easily. i just dont feel happy and i'm really tired of all the mugging. and ya, maybe i am quite frustrated that i have to go to the bank with my mum to draw money out for my dad when i'll be having a paper on tues and i want to studyy. i dont mind lending my dad the money since all the while is his moneyy tt i saved upp. it'll be quite heart pain for me since i saved it since young, without eating muchh and restrain myself from buying things tt i like. however, i think he's using it for some investment which i'm quite doubtful it. somehow i feel tt he's playing investment abit too muchh. he actually took money from many of us, esp my aunt. he took quite a lump sum of money from her. intially he asked me if i want but i always dont like to do this kind of risk, so i rejected it. he said all my sisters and my aunt also got invest but i really just don want. he said i dont regret, but i never regretted because i just dont want to risk. and now, he took money from me. i cant help it but to think tt, did he lose money? so now he's trying to recover back his losses by doing it more? i really hope that what i'm thinking is not true. i dont want our lives to go back how we used to struggle during the bad crisis he was having in the past. it was so miserable and frustrating that we had to save every little bit just in order to pass a day. tt period was really the worse of my life. i never felt so terrible tt buying sth or eating a meal i had to worry so muchh. i even desperately wanted to find a gd job to work.
my dad does not have the habit of saving money for rainy days. he always like to spend what he have, just like buying so many cars and i dont even know what's his thinking of doing that. just waste money since only 2 of us are driving now. it's very straining on him since the expenses will be so high. and he always spent so muchh money. yes, i wont deny i spent alot of money on clothes. but the thing is, did he ever think tt how much i spent on a piece of clothes will not be as expensive as how much he'll be paying every month for all the car season parkings and petrol?? is not like we'll be driving those cars out every single day. actually 2 cars are more than enough. i can share with vivien. just imagine if he sold away 2 cars, the expenses will be so much reduced, at least half of our whole expenses.
and he took my sis n my money which we saved upp. if sth were to crop up, we wont have any remaining money to get us through. then the whole vicious cycle we experienced will come back again. i really dread those days i had and i dont want to go through all over againn.
sighs yeahh, i'm such a unfilial daughter right, to even have this kind of thinking. i'm a very practical and materialistic person, i wont deny that. but it was because of the past incidents i experienced that cultivates me this way. i just want to take precaution in everything. i just like to save up and i dont want to spend everything like what he does. is a very big risk.
he must know, that his business has ups and downs. he should always take note of it and be too carefree.
sighs, that's all i want to say for now. i'm tiredd. i realised tt i think alot today. my studies, my dad and jeffy.. really very tiredd to think alr. and i have papers on tues and thurs. aww.
sorry for all the rant till now. anyway nobody will see too since my blog've been so dead for so longg. so nobody will think tt i'll blogg again. tt's good too.

what a val day =((

2010-02-15T11:02:00.003+08:00

am i very demanding to expect something more from him?
jus a stalk of rose or maybe a val day present issit too muchh?

a short and hectic holiday.

2009-12-05T17:00:00.002+08:00

yeahh, my first semester exam was finally over and i'm having a break now. (:
hmm, although i'm having a break now, it doesnt seem much relaxing to me. there'll be many upcoming activities for me. catching up with friends, sport comm activities, overseas trips etc...
however, after a few months of studying, i'm getting exhausted. so i'm really grateful to have at least a few weeks break. haha. university life isnt as great as what i think it should be.
what's that makes me able to withstand the whole tiresome journey- is my friends that i had made in my school.
they're really great friends and i really enjoy their company. without them, i really dont know how am i going to survive through the entire 4 years. haha.

and yeahh, somehow my life now has changed. i dont really know how to say but is somehow a good change i believe.
so i just hope that everything can remain as how it is now.

to me, my past 2 years in jc wasnt really a good experience for me. i just hope that what i'm having and enjoying now will not end. otherwise, maybe better?

now is dec and a new year is going to start again. time really passes very fast. i just hope that a new year will mean a brand new and happy beginning for me again! =D

very bad day ):):):):

2009-10-13T18:59:00.001+08:00

i am feeling very sad and pissed with myself now ):

totally cui!

2009-09-04T00:08:00.000+08:00

screwed up totally for MJ! :(:(:(
trauma!!!

MY BEGINNING OF UNI LIFE!

2009-08-16T10:22:00.004+08:00

my university life in NTU has started. It had already been a week and my notes are already stacking up very high! Honestly, I am still not very adapted to the university system. The long hours of lectures, the huge NTU campus that I have to walk around while getting lost and confused, the fast paced lectures which are rushing to sum up the 50-60 pages of notes within 2 hours, the funny accent that each lecturer has and of course, I am still not used to wearing my own clothes while studying haha.

What I like best for now, of course is my OG group, HOTAH! =D yeah, i went to the FOC camp around late july and i got to know many new friends. All of us can really click together and I enjoy their company. We had lots of outings which I heard other OGs never really had them ongoing as many as us. K box, movie, mind cafe, clubbing and even shopping! hahaha. i enjoy shopping with them since i get to choose the clothes for them too =X i never realise that helping so many friends to choose clothes can be so much fun lols. all of us also crap alot like nobody business.

but seriously, i need to be knocked out of this kind of holiday mood soon. although school has started, i dont feel like i am going uni for lessons. instead, it feels more like i am there for some kind of courses or seminars. maybe the dressing sense makes me feel this way. without the formality of school uniform, i think i cant get into the mood of studying. how about trying to wear school uniform to school? hahaha. i am definitely a weirdo then. and yes, i get to see some of my friends' hall and it is really cool!!!! i really regret badly for not applying for hall hostel :( the environment is really very conducive for studying and the room is big too! i should have persuaded my dad from the beginning to let me stay in hall :( i have decided to try it with sabby during the next semester. however, i dont think we can get it :(

anyway for now, i really enjoy my life in university. thanks to my new friends who bring joy and laughter into my new lease of life. they are nice and fun loving people to hang out with! so gum that i've been going out with them so much that my parents start to nag at me =X because i will never reach home before 12. hahaha.
this got to stop soon!!!

study study study!

enjoyment to the fullest!

2009-07-05T21:34:00.004+08:00

back to singapore been sometimes and life returns back like normal. the typical singapore life that i have been living through since december. haha.
no no, is not a torture but just a slacking life heh heh.

so caught transformer movie with deirdre and had a GIGANTIC, i mean really gigantic, ice cream with her too. it cost us 45 bucks okay! no kidding, pal.
and yeah, had a catching up time with yan and mich at vivo and east coast park. got to see many SMOOCHING AND LOVEY DOVEY stuffie =X oops!

so for now, just waiting for august to arrive and here i goes, my new lease of life- university adventure! okay, sounds stupid. i'm trying to sound happy okay but yeah, i dont really feel like studying though XD
i am getting too lazy.

many mentioned that i am sort of suffering from short term memory. it may be due to the long months of not using my brain. hahaha. hello, i am just giving tuition to primary school kids. what can i expect other than just some teeny winny 1+1 types of mathematics, or some verbs and adjectives types of english? or even some a e i o u pronounciation of han yu pin yin? is way below the standard of my qualification.

but is still impossible for me to teach higher level as i dont have much confidence in myself =X
anyway, school is starting soon so yupp. my whole mugging time is going to start soon! and yes, TIME FOR MAN HUNT! wahaha.

I AM KIDDING, REALLY.

JAPAN!

2009-06-22T21:34:00.002+08:00

haha, i am here to update my japan trip! okay, it's abit late i know because i'm lazy. but anyway, i am like home quarantined for 1 week because my dad wants me to do so (though i still sneaked out at time =X). i went on 12 jun and came back on 16 june (:

hmm, i was really excited about this whole trip as it was my first time going overseas alone with my friend. yeah, and it was japan! so yeah, i was totally thrilled from the day I had booked this trip.
we had gone with the tour as we afraid that there would be communication barrier between us and the Japanese. To be honest, i think we can just go with the free and easy next time. There's not much communication though. so ya, i will definitely go free and easy in the future.

okay, so the first day we took a midnight flight to japan. My friend's parents are really humorous and fun XD They sent us to the airport. we reached tokyo at around 8am i think. that was the 2nd day. all of us just waited around till all of us were gathered and hopped on the tour bus. so we went to some places here and there, i was lazy to talk about it but the main thing, we had our onsen (hotspring) at our hotel.
and yeah, what's so special about it was.... we had to go to the hotspring STARK NAKED. lols.
so yeah, since my friend and i were very shy, so we asked the guide what time the hotspring closed. she said latest by midnight.
being hentai (english mean pervert), both of us went to the hotspring around 8pm to take a look at the hotspring. so there we saw all women totally naked. haha.
my friend and i decided to go at around 10pm. when we went there, the whole hotspring belonged to us. so nobody got to see our sexy body =X but after that, we really felt very comfortable and relaxing.

okay, 3nd day we went to chinatown and ramen museum. the ramen was really delicious! totally different from spore like ajisen. their chinatown is quite typical like spore. just that their temple and shrine are much larger and there are many shops. we had shabu shabu at night at shinjuku which i thought it was quite normal, maybe because i was so full to eat. oh yeah! the most interesting part was about those guys who hanged around the shinjuku area. i believe they are host guys, who are trying to pull female customers to their host clubs XD
they are not very handsome but they are damn trendy. they really style their hair and dress up damn nice. there are really many of them! okay, you can just take a look at my facebook then you will know.

the 4th day we went to their so called expensive district, Ginza. It was like Paragon over there. All the branded stuffs and expensive cosmetics. Still, we managed to get some stuff over there like Fancl XD Yeah, is so much cheaper to buy Fancl there LOLS. Oh yeah, there is a very big toy park over there!!! They sell anime and manga stuffs!!! Okay, i am like an otaku now. so forgive me for being so excited. we have seafood steamboat for dinner.

the 5th day which was my fav, it was a free and easy day! of course, we definitely hit down to harajuku and shibuya!!! but first, we went to ueno because my friend said there was an even larger anime and manga shop over there. okay, so we really made a right choice to go there. we were stuck at yamashiroya (the toy shop's name) for like 2 hours plus XD i think both of us really spent a big bomb over there. we were like laughing and going excited all the times. their stationery are like very cute! but expensive -.-" but still, we bought alot. my friend was worse though. haha.
we went to harajuku then. okay. the moment we reached there, i already cant stop buying clothes. their clothes were damn gorgeous!! i was like going from shops to shop and kept getting all the clothes. i believe i brought home with like 10 over clothes XD so my money really depleted damn fast. they had a lot of laces-type clothes. all were very kaiwaii!
the clothes sold at shibuya were more like singapore style. so yeah, it didnt attract me much. and just that day for shopping was really too short for us. but we had bought too many clothes till we could not hold anymore. haha.

so the last day, i believe both of us were only the steady one who still went all the way back to harajuku to shop. we had only like 1 hr 50 min to shop -.-" because the shops over at 10am and we had to be back to the hotel by 1230pm to put our lugguage into the bus. so we had to leave by 1150am. but still, i didnt know if i should say i am a fast spender, i still managed to get more clothes XD and yeah! the neoprints there was like so CHEAP! by doing conversion of 400 yen, it was only 6 plus in sing (0_0) which mean we can take 2 times at japan as compared to singapore. lols. so i took quite a few with my friend. in addition, their neoprint machines were so much better than singapore. aww! so cool! i regretted of not taking around 10 neoprints XD haha.
so yeah, we took an evening flight back to spore and reached aroun midnight.

the whole trip was too short but was fun. I really miss Japan alot and I will make sure i will go again next time XD Best to be end of this year again! haha. OH yeah, there are lots of hunks! I miss them too haha. How i wish i can hitch one =X

I AM GOING NOW! WOOHOO!

2009-06-11T20:12:00.001+08:00

yupp! I am going to the airport with my friend now! XD
very excited.
I'll update the whole thing again when I'm back! (:

bon voyage to myself! =D

FREAKED OUT.

2009-06-03T20:03:00.001+08:00

Today is really the worst day of my whole life.
I will never ever forget and it is definitely a trauma in my life now.
Until now...
My hands are still shaking tremendously...

Yes, I am going Japan!

2009-06-01T21:21:00.003+08:00

haha. life as usual, ROTTING and SLACKING.

I just feel that my bloggie is getting very dead so I decide to update abit.
Okay, I am sick at the moment. Down with cold, cough, sore throat and fever. Fever had already gone few days back. But doesnt all these symptoms sound so much like H1N1??!! NOOO! Kidding. I think it might be due to the hot weather and insufficient water that I am supposed to drink. So yeah, here I am sneezing and typing at the same time.

I also got my driving license (: Yeah, most of my friends already knew and even got the chance to sit in it, right? I knew that all of you are sooo happy about it XD Because of the free rides and no waiting and standing time for buses! LOLS.

I am also going to Japan too. Although Japan has quite a number of H1N1 cases, my tour is not canceled and will proceed on. So yeah, I will be going with my friend. This will be the first time I go overseas with my friend ALONE. So cool and exciting! Hmm, it's not that exciting because of the H1N1 -.-" It has kind of dampen my spirit slightly. However, I will just enjoy myself over there! Like my friend said, at the most both of us just get quarantined together XD TOUCH WOOD!! So please bless me good health.

So anyway, there isnt much to discuss or talk about now. Nothing much to talk about my life at the moment. Hmm as for my university admission, I will tell after my finalised decision.
I will update again after my Japan trip, so I hope that everything will just go smoothly.
That is all for now (:

unreasonable times.

2009-05-08T22:41:00.005+08:00

it was supposed to be a mother day celebration. so by right, it had to be a joyous occasion, wasnt it?
but everything just went wrong from the beginning.
because vivien was only able to end school at around 7pm, so all of us had to wait till that time in order to have our dinner together.
my dad is a person who will get mad whenever he starts to feel hungry. so you can imagine, waiting till about 8pm and we still could not have our dinner so he started to feel quite irritated. the whole journey was all his rattling and complaining lecture. in the end vivien didnt manage to join us for dinner.

that was not the end of it.
i didnt know what the hell happened again, my aunt suddenly threw some ridiculous and unreasonable temper at me when i just courteously saying, "please cover your mouth when you are coughing". because it was really unhygienic right. okay, maybe it was my fault for not seeing it that she did cover her mouth.
but the problem was, was there a need for her to really SHOUT at me just because i said that?
i was like... what was the problem? i was just being nice to tell you to cover yr mouth, didnt mean anything about it but what i got was a unreasonable shout from her. you know, it was really very pissing.
so now, i was like thinking, why adults always had to quarrel their ways through to make sure that they were right, when frankly speaking, it was so obvious that they were in the wrong.
because we were the children? so they had the rights over us? even though we were not the ones in the wrong?

and i really cant understand, for example, the car i am currently driving. my dad had adjusted the timing in the car about 30 mins faster. but suddenly the timing was adjusted to the right time so my dad asked who had adjusted it. that car i driving now was driven by my uncle before i got it back from him. so isnt it DAMN OBVIOUS that it was my uncle who changed it?
so my sister pamela said that uncle was the one who changed it. but my aunt kept saying that you should not keep insisting it was him who changed it. but excuse me, if it was not him or me who changed it, who can it be? are you telling us that it was a ghost who did it????
if not, you were saying that i was the one who did it.

so i dont know why, when things were shown to you right at your face, OBVIOUS AND CLEAR. why people just cant admit it and accept it?
why things definitely have to go the way that they want it?
when at times, they were really in the fault.
maybe that was the fate for being the youths among the adults...
OUR SUBMISSION TO THEIR REASONINGS.

surviving!

2009-04-07T12:34:00.016+08:00

hello hello! haha i know my bloggie is very dead. so i am going to update now since the last post is like a month ago.

i had my SMU economics interview yesterday. it was my second choice as i put business management as my 1st choice. but to be honest, i feel lucky that i get economics instead. sound contradicting yeah?
because after looking through the information about economics thoroughly, i feel that economics has a much more broader curriculum and career prospects as compared to business management.
and i am a very practical person. after reading an article from the strait times, it stated that courses with top earnings- SMU economics (cum laude and above), with an average salary of $4164.
another thing that attracts me towards SMU is their offer for double degree programmes and second major. hence even though i am not able to take up a double degree currently (due to my grades since i didnt do exceptionally well), i may still have an opportunity to take it if i do well in my 1st year. that's how flexible SMU can be.

from the beginning, i never consider SMU as one of my priorities and i have been so sure that i want to go NUS science for majoring in maths. but somehow, my heart seems to start wavering. hmm, i still not sure if i will be accepted since the interview was just yesterday. however, everything went quite smoothly. and yes, the competition was quite tough. there were 2 professors as the interviewers and 8 of people including me, were interviewed at the same time. i should say i am lucky since the questions they asked were simple and were predicted by me beforehand. otherwise, i believe i might just stunned. haha. the other interviewees were really great. they really grabbed their opportunities well and spoke quite alot and eloquently so i really got to see how each individual really performed. luckily, i volunteered to speak first otherwise i definitely would be pressurized by their bombastic speeches and fluency during the interview.
the ambience wasn't very tense but just that it wouldnt be nice if you just kept quiet throughout the interview.
one thing which i am still not sure if i want to go SMU, is that i dont know whether i am a person who is willing to keep on talking and participating in tutorial lessons. Class participation is one of the most important assessments in SMU thus it will affect the grades adversely.

anyway, i should just worry about that after i get to know what courses i am offered by the universities. and yeah, for extra information to the others who are waiting for the universities, i somehow caught a glance at the SMU banner which mentioned that the common acceptance will be closed at 1 june (if i am not wrong). in other words, it means that we'll know by latest may. is that a good news? (: so i hope everyone will get the course they desire! (:

and yupp, i'll be going japan during june! i had already booked the air tickets and this is the first time i'll be going so far with my friend! i am so excited and really looking forward to it. haha. but it's only a 6 days trip :( i wanted to find a longer trip but cant find any. maybe i'll go again at the end of the year? haha. i'm hoping that it will not clash with my selection of courses.

as for now, i'm just teaching tuition and going out with my friends. nothing interesting and fun in my life. i want to spend more time with my friends if possible since i believe that when school reopens, there may not be much time available for meeting-ups. i really hope that august will not come so soon, so that i can enjoy more! heh heh. okay, i know i am lazy XD

that's all for now and i will tell you guys more again soon (:

here are some pictures which were taken with sabby during our girls' time!

P.S hey yan! i am really sorry! our dear bloggie i haven do it for so long! i will do it now and tell you again okay! yr part did well, hope that my part will not destroy the blog XD

this's my life now.

2009-02-23T21:12:00.002+08:00

it's time to update my bloggie =D
believe my blog has turned rusty by now.

actually there's nothing to talk about too.
because my life now is just plain and dull. teaching tuition, watching dramas, animes and read my storybooks and manga.
that's all my life for now. but honestly, i do not feel anything bad bout this now. lols. instead, i am enjoying it alot XD okay, i have become a very lazy person indeed.

from the beginning, i'm really motivated to look for a job (because i am attracted to earning money for myself).
but maybe due to the overseas trip with my family for a month ago, i just lost it somehow.
so i prefer to just stay at home and rest. or specifically, rotting at home.
but i should say thanks to one of my friends, she has a tuition assignment available. so i just take it up. so from then on, i start to look for assignments. (so anyone who knows any available assignments currently, pls tell me okay! =D)
hmm, you can say i am a part time tutor now?

anyway, rumours or should i say by right now, news about the release of A level results will be known soon. of course, is already late february.
so any time from now on, the announcement of the release should be out soon.

yes, i am getting fidgety and even start to fret about this matter.
yeah yeah, dreams or troubling about it are already on path now. haha.
i can only just laugh about it now.
so many things to worry about when i get the results, if i did real badly.
if the results are good, all my worries and problems wil vanish into thin air!
if only i know it... -.-"

about the problems i will be facing then.... too many to mention it.
so just god bless me. pray for me too okay? haha...

so currently, just leave the way it is and live my life to the fullest! am i really living to the fullest? lols. since i am rotting now. but still, i'm enjoying it XD

hmm, there're times i do get bored too. since my sisters are studying and mostly my friends are working... though tutoring is my job, it doesnt occupy my whole day too. and is in the middle of the day too, so i cant really go out and enjoy real big time. aww.
how i wish all the lessons are in the morning. but that's impossible, since my students are in the morning and afternoon sessions. those in morning sessions, i have to teach in afternoon. if afternoon sessions, then i have to teach at night (they do not want to have tuition in the morning, will be tiring on them).
so i cant really play.

and i am not really long sleeper type. but quite an early bird.
so most of the time, i wake up quite early. i'll end up with nothing much to do. so i just rely mostly on my animes and manga. but i am completing them soon, so maybe is time i should think for an alternative... hmm...

maybe i should just blog my boring life every single day? haha, then u all will be bored to death.
see, i am already crapping now. because i am bored now. although i havent finish my gintama yet. but i am completing it soon! :'(

and my manga... they are not updated yet! :'( sighs sighs...
so maybe i should just continue crapping now...
.....
as if they'll update it suddenly when i am crapping here -.-"
maybe i should just watch one piece and bleach -.-"
then i will definitely be busy for months.
since there're like.... 300+ epi for one piece???? 200+ epi for bleach???
crap, i think i will die by then XD

or maybe i should read my storybooks...
daddy girl borrowed from sabby...
i havent complete my change of heart by jodi picoult.
i havent start my perfect match by jodi picoult and books written by cecelia adhern that i had bought.
hmm, sound busy huh? haha, i am just LAZY.

i think i would really start rotting if this continues on. lols.
okay okay, i am really crapping alot now.
i will stop now then.

i will continue my crapping next time. haha.
thanks for listening my craps.

i am happy for you (:

2009-01-12T14:48:00.008+08:00

i am back from taiwan some days ago. i wouldnt say is very enjoyable because of the tour guide we had for the long 8 days trip. but of course, we did have some fun though. anyway, it was my second trip to taiwan so there wasnt much different from the previous one. just added some extra places like kaohisung and hua lian etc. lazy to talk about it as the moment i started the topic, it would be quite draggy. haha.

anyway, my main thing for blogging now is i am very happy for pamela! yeah yeah, today is the release of the O level results. so yeah, she met the target that she was expected to achieve. of course, she can get the latest PSP from my aunt for FREE. and not to forget, she also made her dream come true- NJC. haha.

hearing all the noises coming from below while my mum is talking through the phone, i knew it that she has gotten back her results. and yes, it's a good news. it's really heartening to know that. all the prayers that we all had gone through, had paid off for her. so mean the kong ming lantern we lighted up had started to work.

so one down. and is a good one.

next of course is my turn. yeah yeah, the pessimistic me going to start the whole thing again. lols.
i wont deny that... knowing that my sis did well, it makes me feel even more pressurized and tensed up. ya, my A results. sighs. been having dreams lately. and all of them seem to lead me to some kind of bad premonition.
it's only mid jan! and i am freaking out now.

you know, at least it seems to me that my sis was confident that she would do well. so i doesnt see her worrying too much throughout the holidays. as for me, i think i am just like my usual self by using methods to run away from reality. indulging in different kinds of entertainment to spend my time away since i couldnt start work for this period of time. just learn driving, hang around with my friends or just read my books. to get away from thinking too much.

and feb is drawing nearer, so mean i'll be getting the results back soon. when it's something related to studies, i tend to become very superstitious. things doesnt really seem to go in my way and it's like a kind of hint though, that i wont be doing well. and my prediction tends to be quite accurate these days... please let it be wrong! haha. is leading to nowhere.

please dont mind my crappy thoughts because i need a space to rant out. and here's the best place to do so. if you cant stand it, stop reading it (:

and yeah, after receiving some booklets from different universities. i sort of taking the initiatives to look through the websites to learn more about them. of course it makes me more depressed.
but what to do? everything is already decided and there's no more changes. that's what i am telling myself all the time, be it today, yesterday or everyday but one just cant stop helping to dwell on it.

so i am trying to think an alternative route but is tough. i have one friend who has decided to enter poly. in my opinion, she's really brave and courageous for willing to take this step. it's a whole 3 years course and she dont mind doing it. for me i dont think i want to. and my dad wont allow it too.

ah... confusion. haha. enough crap for now.

premonition?

2008-12-18T14:46:00.003+08:00

okay, i am quite bored at the moment and realise that i never blogged for quite sometimes. so i decide to do one now.
no driving today... watching some anime shows and now this.
so is just rotting.

hmm, actually there's something quite disturbing though.
i had a dream last night and to me, it was scary.
it was quite real life and i really thought it happened.
and weird that i would have this dream suddenly now.
i thought, isnt it should appear straight after my exam?
but why it happens now instead?
it's like... so random.

but it does freak me out though.
hmm i can remember it but some part of the scenes i have forgotten.
maybe those parts are not so significant.

okay here it goes...
it was in my school hall i think?
or just some places in my school.
like the normal procedure, the school would announce who were the ones who did well and the most improved students etc... and on and on.
the ambience was really tense.
then after that, it was our turn.

all of us were queueing up to take back our A results.
and i was really scared and trembling, sort of at the brink of tears.
at that moment, i could feel that i did know i would do badly for my exams.
so i did not want to take back my results.

and of course... my "dream" came true.
my civic tutor looked at me and shook her head slightly, and said.
eileen... you didnt do very well.
i saw my rank points- 47 POINTS!!
and my grades.... A E F!!!!
(weird since we didnt have F in the A level curriculum.
but F does not sound nice right.)
i was in a bad shock and ran to a corner.
sitting there looking at my results.
i just looked stunned, without any words.
after that, i saw yan.

then i ran towards her crying in tears and at the same time hugging her. (okay, it was a dream!)
of course, she consoled me and said comforting words to me.
she said she didnt do well too.
so i asked her while crying (of course she couldnt just console me when she herself was sad right?) what was her grades.

she said she got B B A.
HUH??? was what i said. and i told her she did well etc.
then the more i freaked out in my heart because it seems like i was the only who did real bad.
i asked her how bout ai ling and of course like always, she did well.
and we talked somemore but during the talking, my mind wasnt really concentrating.

and i cried even harder...
because i suddenly felt so lonely and empty.
without anywhere to go since no university or places to accept me.
and suddenly the thought of going overseas appeared on my mind.
that's when i woke up from my dream abruptly.

it was so vivid in my mind during that instant.
so real that it seemed to be true.
and now, typing this at the same time.
i am scared and depressed though...
is this a premonition or deja vu?

and during these past weeks.. i really never think about my results.
maybe because i am trying to run away from thinking about it.
but this dream, just brought me all the memories again about my As.

is true, there's no use dwelling on it when everything's over.
only if my brain is willing to accept that fact.
and maybe because i am too un-bothered with this.
so god feel that i should at least realise and think about it.

i did not plan what i am supposed to do if i really ended up didnt do well.
SIM? NOPE.
poly? even NOPE.
alternatives? NONE.
i have no routes to go!!!
although my dad did mention that he would send me to austrialia if i have to...
it sounds tempting to me but i afraid that i am not able to cope alone over there.

and the expense will be real huge. it'll be a heavy burden on him.
AHHH. i really dont know.
and i dont want to think about it. *running away again*
okay okay, i should think but..
I DONT WANT!!!!

just get me out of this!!!

*depressed* -.-||| ......

party nite!

2008-12-15T01:36:00.005+08:00

went to clarke quay with my sis on friday!
although just the 2 of us, we did enjoy ourselves abit.
haha.
got to have a complimentary drink too =D
but drank quite abit though.
hope we can have fun soon again!

PLAN?

2008-11-13T13:56:00.001+08:00

what's my plan B?
i dont have any...

what am i supposed to do??
and what have i done??!!

thank you sabby!

2008-10-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

i met up with sabby today (yes, this is for you. touched??).
so we had our dinner at swensen. hmm, should be a early celebration for my bdae (right?)
it've been a long time ever since both of us meet each other.
so really had a nice and long chat over the dinner.
crapping about everything just like what the two of us always did in the past.
only if we had more time... lols.
but really, i missed those times that both of us had spent together.
is true that now pondering over it again, i can feel a tinge of sadness and longing... haha.
only if i dont have As now. we maybe able to go out more often.
nvm, we can do tt after my As even if you are working.
i going to pester you lols.

anyway, just wan to thank you again for coming into my life and i really treasure our friendship very much.
and again, thank for the birthday present, i really love it alot. u should know it by now (: haha.
and ya, thank for brightening my day.
miss you and love you too! arigato! =D

and hope that everyone around me will be happy always.

12 days countdown.
and yes, agent I 'heart' HY--- keep going and WE can make it! we must push on no matter how stressful and tired we are, because i am. keep on track. pls rmb tt you are not alone (:

nearing.

2008-10-17T21:06:00.002+08:00

today.17 days countdown.
ya, to the start of my A levels. by right i am supposed to feel stress but i doesnt feel anything at all. it doesnt mean i am not scared. i AM really scared but i just dont know why i cant feel it.
maybe i am numb. tired of the constant worrying, the continuous fear and panicky feeling i experience during the exam period.
just imagine, when you have to continue slogging yr teenage life for 3 years in hard core study routine, and you feel as if there's no progress or improvement ar all.
stupid, yes, that's exactly the word.
next, you have to think, how a letdown it would be towards the people who have faith and belief in you when you didnt do well.
otherwise, it would be the pressure that has been building up within you, to live up to the expectation or to prove yr worth to others. and of course, the desperation to secure and devour every min and second that you possess in your hands right now.
haha, yes, that's it.
is you deserve it.

ya, most people will be thinking,
since you knew it right from the beginning, isnt it appropriate that you should already have put in your best effort and instead of feeling regretful and self-blaming right now at this crucial point?

so for this, i have no comment about it.
that's all i want to say.

gloomy days.

2008-10-04T19:24:00.002+08:00

TIRED AND STRESSED.

too late to salvage? i deserve it.

2008-10-02T19:12:00.002+08:00

32 days countdown.
yes, i'm only left with 32 days to my D-DAY.
another week to go, it'll be the farewell assembly then.
this means that my D-DAY is even nearer.

just by knowing that every single day, every hour, every min and every sec are clicking away.
i'm really very scared.

i dont know why, i'm particularly very upset today.
maybe because the arrival of october.
or just because i know that, tomorrow will be officially 1 month to my A level.
so it's really quite depressing.

study progress is slow, prelim results are disastrous, concentration level is low and not to say, pressure is just building up.
it seems everything is going real wrong.

do i have the ability, to be one of those alumni, who is able to do exceptionally well in A level even though they had done badly during their prelim?
do i have the determination, that i will not fluster during this crucial period, or even during the actual examination?

at times, i even feel that i am stupid.
i think i am.

whatever. i just feel damn frustrated.
that's all i want to say.

35.

2008-09-29T17:04:00.001+08:00

35 DAYS COUNTDOWN
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TO A LEVELS!!!!

I AM GOING NUTTY SOON!!!!

ai koi heino!!! yuno??!!!!!!

thank you my friends.

2008-09-13T12:16:00.004+08:00

one more week to mark the end of my prelims.
hmm.
i had no comments about it.
so you should know what it means. haha...

but what's exactly i want to blog about is..
although i am stressed, scared and of course tired throughout this prelim,
i truly feel and know what's the meaning of friends.

honestly, i actually never expect myself to receive any encouragement from my friends (i mean my friends who are not taking As or are in jc).
maybe because i am too preoccupied by my own things, or this has never crossed my mind since i believe that everyone should be busying with their own lives.

until i receive some greetings and concern from some of my friends.
and now when i am thinking back about it.
yes, i am happy and touched.

because i never expected some of them to do it.
hmm, u can say tt i believe they are the last person to do so. haha.

however, in this period of prelim, i also realise something too.
some friends show another side of them (or are they always like this?).
i dont know if i am too sensitive or really misunderstand,
but it seems like some hostility can be felt beneath them.
or maybe u can say, avoiding or drifting apart?
i'm not sure.
but it's really sad to see that happens.
when i've always been treating them as my friends.
or maybe as closer friends to be exact.

but no matter what, this is a crucial point for me.
the turning point of my jc life?
or whatever.
it's time to gear up.
tighten my teeth and buck up my socks.
no more slacking (only if some strength are given to me!) and no extra sleeping.

i had like......
less than 2 mths to go -.-"
and my real exam will start.
sighs. think of the last lap of 3 YEARS MARATHON.
suddenly the pressure is tremendous.

now i think i have to bet my entire life on this.
so yeah, everyone just bless me (:

promise breaker

2008-08-26T19:44:00.002+08:00

dont tell me u can make it when u cant even make it.

just piss me off.
i have enough stress and problems.
not only you have it!

so stop promising me u can make it when ended up the outcome is the same.
twice, thrice or even fourth time.
i still can understand.
but dont take it for granted.

now i can feel it.

2008-08-19T21:43:00.004+08:00

71 days.
yes, i have counted it.
71 days more to A levels.

and i am feeling like i am at the bottomless pit now.
cant think of any better words to describe how i feel.
because time is rushing now!

and ya, pressure is building up.
stress is surging.
every min and seconds just passed.
and god!!! my revision!!!

more and more school work.
lacking of sleep everyday.
having gastric pain more and more often.

MORE TIME PLEASE.
aww.
is killing me badly.

but at least i am HAPPY that i can feel the stress now.
hahaha.
i sound like a saddist.

TIME TO MUGG. EILEEN GOH.

FUCK OFF.

2008-08-11T22:11:00.001+08:00

TOLERANCE OVERLIMIT!
HE IS JUST A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

2008-08-09T15:35:00.015+08:00

i wanted to blog about yesterday's national eve. but i was too tired after coming home. lols.
we had quite a fantastic celebration in school, just like any normal celebration, we sang songs together and did all the clapping and cheering for our nation.

of course, since it was a half day off, i would never miss the chance of going out =X
so i had met deirdre to celebrate her belated birthday.
we went to suntec to catch a 230pm movie- the mummy 3: tomb of the dragon emperor. the movie was not bad, but i think i would prefer journey to the center of the earth. haha. been watching lot of movies these days- red cliff, x files, journey to the center of the earth and mummy 3. i will be catching dark knight too (: haha, ya you are right. my pocket has one BIG HOLE now. lols.

anyway. back to the date i had yesterday (:
so yeah, we had our dinner at raffles city shopping centre. we decided to try this new restaurant- shokudo the food bazaar. there were really lots of varieties, ranging from japanese pizza and pasta to their forte desserts red bean and mochi! haha.
and yes, it was really scary. u should see how big and atrocious our appetite were. we ordered rosti with sausage, ham and mushroom cheese pizza, char siew ramen, yaku gyoza, yaki tori, pork aparagus, okonomiyaki, japanese red and mochi with ice cream and lastly, banana and chocolate crepes! and all is a FULL portion okay. not kidding. lols.
i was really really damn full. because there were quite many stuffs we wanted to try, i still wanted to try the pasta and their bento! but aww, i really cant eat anymore. lols. hmm, what i liked best- okonomiyaki! yes, it was really nice, but very big too. i think there were sotong, carrots, egg, potato and some other stuffs (cant rmb!). both of us liked it the most, it was delicious (: and my fave dessert- japanese red bean and mochi with ice cream! haha, i liked their rum and raisin! i will definitely order it again if i had a chance (:
and deirdre was really cute. we had our rosti and raman first, and she believed that just having both of these, we would be damn full after tt. and haha, we decided to try abit more other food so when we started to go around, she suddenly wanted to order so many things (0_0) yeah, her appetite was triggered lols. so that was what happened with all the food we had to swallow.
let me show u our table filled with many many many delicious food! yum yum.

after our BIG meal, she accompanied around all the malls to look for my wallet. my wallet spoilt :( so i managed to find one, a long wallet which i loved to carry. from ripcurl. she was telling me that she always wanted to try the singapore flyer. so we just walked to that area, to take a look.
and i cant believe it, we actually ended up taking the ride XD
let me show u the ticket. and look carefully at the price. can you see it?
is $29.50!!!! FREAKING EXPENSIVE!

gosh, i cant believe i actually paid for it. lols. hmm. just an experience, but watching singapore from the top was quite nice and enjoyable. we had some nice time at the flyer. haha, so took quite a few pictures. i told her we had to! hello, is 29.50 bucks. haha.

and yeah, i would make sure next time when i went there again, it would be my boyfriend who paid for it, not me! XD heh heh.

so let me just end here at the moment. going out with my mummy and sister for dinner!
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!!

fragile friendships?

2008-07-14T17:50:00.005+08:00

Having friends are part and parcel of our lives (most of us do have, i believe?). However, having true friends around you is another matter. How many of us do really have true friends around us all the time? In every stage of our lives, from childhood to teenage hood, different kinds of people have stepped into our lives. People who have brought joy, laughter, happiness and even sadness. Of course, these are people who we believe, are our friends. Some of them are able to stay with us till today, however, some of them have just become part of our memories or even, are being forgotten like a stranger who just walked past our paths of journey.

But did you ever ponder, even if you really have a longtime friend or a buddy who has been walking beside you until today, does he or she is really being true to you? Or even so, are they treating you the same way as how they have treated their new friends? Some may believe, having 5 years or even 10 years of friendship, it's okay that we neglect and even show lesser concern, or even abit of attitude towards the other party. Because they may think, we've been friends for so long and thus it's okay since we are good friends!

Most people tend to take things for granted whenever they still have everything in hands. When they realise they have lost it, it's time that they know the importance of cherishing. However, it's too late since there's no turning back. You may have hurt the person or yr loved ones so deeply that the pain and wounds will never heal. Yes, it may heal but with the scar remains, etching deep in their hearts.

In my life, i have seen many breaking and patching up of friendships. Of course, i have experienced it myself too. Being a pessimistic and emotional person, i know the feeling of pain and torment of losing a friend. Hence i treat every friendship seriously.

I admit that I am definitely not a very good friend, since I do cause pain and sadness to my friends... or even at times, fail to comply with the dates i had promised with my friends. things always cropped up whenever i had an arranged date with my friends. however, is this really true or just an excuse? it depends on which angle that each individual looks at, by believing what kind of person i am.

i think that friendships are just like glasses. they are very fragile, which can be broken easily if you are not looking after them carefully. and once they are broken, they can be patched back again, but with cracks and fragments that may hurt you while picking up all the pieces.

because i feel that friendships are so fragile, i am always trying my best to hold the trust i have from my friends. you may disagree with me that friendships can be fragile. just think about it, you can say that you have a very strong bond of friendship with a particular person. what if there's one day, she or he has done something really bad and hurtful to you, will you really able to forget about it and remain as best friends? yes you can, but are you sure that both of you can be as good as what it used to be? speak truthfully to your heart.

and it's tiring at times when all of us have to always keep in minds of each others' feelings, remembering not to hurt the other party. this can be one of the reasons why friendships are so fragile. everyone has become so sensitive to each other's feeling that when one has done something wrong, they will be angry or upset over it, even if it's just a trival matter. so it's really important to give and take at times. forgiving is very important. of course, being a good friend does not always hope for a return whenever he or she does something for their friends.

friendships are not a commercialised trade or business but are all about true feelings. i really feel sad for people who treat their friends with a mask over their faces, never ever show the true self of themselves.

whatever it is, be always true to your friends and be your own self. i believe that true friends will never make you change for them but to accept of who you are and what you are. and most importantly, please be forgiving and understanding if they really hurt you. they are not intentionally to hurt you but just at the moment of folly or anger, they have said or done something wrong. just say sorry and give a hug! and here it comes, a brand new start (:

5 days off!

2008-07-11T00:52:00.016+08:00

supposedly to be in bed by now. but i think i am suffering from insomnia at the moment. so i decided to update about the 5 days off i had after my mid year exam.

okay, here what i had done during those 5 days.
2 july: met up with grace for lunch at breeks and went shopping.
3 july: maths olympiad and had dinner with yan and mich at fish and co.
4 july: went shopping with yan at bugis street, class bbq at east coast park and met up with mich for a drink at tango's.
5 july: met up with jere for dinner at irish pub.restaurant.
6 july: met up with deirdre for movies (hancock and get smart), met up with pam for dinner and overnight kbox till 6am with vivien:
7 july: went shopping with vivien straight after kbox and had korean dinner at chinatown with my aunt.

haha, sound fulfiling? maybe u should try it yrself. EXHAUSTED is the right word to describe it. lols.
but it's undeniable that i had enjoyed myself thoroughly these days since i believed that they were the only days i could rest and relax. as for now, it's time for me to start mugging when i has less than 4 mths to do well for my As.
and here i am blogging when i am supposed to study...
well...
sneak some time to slack? lols. excuses i know i know.

anyway, these are some of the pics i took (:

my white rum with cola! the taste was not bad ((:

irish pub.restaurant. the ambience is really nice!

caramel banana with toast at shokudo! yum yum.

haha. deirdre is enjoying her salmon avocado pasta alot. lols.

i think pam cant wait to tuck in her prawn carbonara pasta. (at pasta de waruku)

yes, tiramisu parfait! look appetizing.

she was really concentrating to sing!

i think i had distracted her totally from singing lols.loved to take pic yeah.

that's all for now ((:

TANGO'S restaurant and wine bar

2008-07-05T10:51:00.008+08:00

haha supposed to blog yesterday but had quite a hangover.
so decided to slp early =D

anyway, i had gone shopping with yan yesterday before heading down to east coast park for our class bbq.

we went to bugis street to shop and yes, there're really many stuffs to buy and they're quite cheap!
most of the items are selling about 10 bucks!
haha, i dont think i have shopped enough yet XD
so will be heading down again on monday with vivien LOLS.
and wth, i alr spent damn alot.

there're only 5 days for me to do all the things i want.
shopping, movie marathons, catching up with friends...
too many things that there's just not enough time for me! aww.

anyway, yan and i were quite dumb (okay, maybe only me).
we went all the way down to east coast park just for the sake of showing up our face.
and we left abt 1 hr later. lols.
because, we had a date with mich to holland village!
so yesterday was quite a packed day for us.

and yes.
it was our first time!
we went to tango's restaurant and wine bar.
sort of chilling out over there.
and we even ordered one whole jur of mango margaritas! LOLS.
happy hours! so should be cheaper than ordering one each? heh heh.

and is really damn funny.
because mich never had alcoholic drinks before in her life (can you believe it?!)
so...
hahaha... after having not even 2 glasses.
she seemed to be abit drunk LOLS.
her actions were real damn funny.
look at her face!!!

yan said i was abit too.
but gosh, yan really can drink well.
mich and i were already "floating on boat", and she was still so clear minded.
but we really had lots of fun over there.

hmm.
as for tango's, maybe is friday night so there was quite a crowd.
the ambience was quite good but just abit noisy (okay, maybe from us)
and of course, the price over there is quite steep.
we had a jug of margaritas at 35 bucks and a parma ham pizza at 22 bucks.
total cost=$67 plus (inclusive of gst and service charge)
so it cost us quite a bomb lols.

i thought of trying wala wala next time (:
anyway, i think is true.
the place over there doesnt really give us the feeling of pub though.
as the three of us wanted to try it out.
so maybe we going to try at clarke quay?
only if i can persuade yan XD

haha, but really.
thinking of how mich behaved yesterday.
i am laughing my head off now!
wahaha.

more outings for me the next few days!
might be totally exhausted before tues.
DEAD.

that's all for now!
i will update soon (:

DAMNED PISSED OFF.

2008-06-28T18:55:00.004+08:00

yeah yeah.
just keep going overseas.
wth.
SELFISH.

never checked properly and just dump my clothes into the dryer.
my f***ing clothes just shrunk like hell.

everything you do just pissed me off.
get off my back.
things do not just evolve about you.
IS ABOUT US.

stop yr male chauvinistic.
I AM REALLY GETTING SICK OF IT.

it's not the first time i had gone through all these.
YOU HAVE DONE IT LOT OF TIMES.

PLEASE DO WHAT A GUY SUPPOSED TO DO.
AND NOT DO SOMETHING THAT IS NOT YR F***ING RESPONSIBILITY.

meeting up wif my DARLING sabby =D

2008-06-13T21:47:00.018+08:00

today i had met up with sabby to mugg.
haha. really did manage to mugg abit with her at panjang delifrance.
of course, we talked alot too. did some catching ups and updates.
had lots of fun with each other.

had dinner together and shopped for a while too. haha.
again, good times passed really fast :(

but is okay!
because we will be meeting up soon for our kbox!
right, sabby? haha.

here are some photos we took together!

CIP and outing again!

2008-06-12T17:06:00.016+08:00

yeah, never really did much mugging these days.
because there are simply too much things to do.
CIPs and catching up with frens etc.

anyway, i had another CIP- bringing primary school kids to botanic garden!
i had to admit that, they were really very rowdy and active.
but i had lots of fun with them.
felt quite stress free on that day itself.
as a kid, they did not seem to have any troubles to worry about.
unlike us :(

and yeah, have an outing with yan and mich too!
went to k box for our singing session at chinatown!
really enjoyed myself thoroughly. but good times always pass really fast.

aww, the three of us supposed to take pics together. but we had such a nice chat that we had forgotten to do so.
managed to take pics with mich instead. yan, we had to do it again next time! =D

these are all the pics we took together!

GONE CASE!

2008-06-09T23:32:00.001+08:00

I am G-O-N-E C-A-S-E.
Say bye bye to me.

flunk flunk flunk!!!
NOOOO!!!!

.end.

CAMP!!! and OUTING!

2008-06-01T22:30:00.013+08:00

haha. yes, it've been a long time ever since i updated my bloggie.
so now, i am going to update!

yeah, i had attended a camp conducted for westspring sec sch from 27th to 29th May with yan and ai ling. the students there (maybe i should say kids!) are really very warm and fun to hang around with. i am posted to a group called Honda. i remembered that at the beginning, everyone was quite quiet and not ready to share abt themselves. so we just started with a small introduction. we had our flag drawn and then after tt, our group is combined with Renault since every group is very small. and of course, i get to know more friends!

but what is really sad, is tt i had fallen sick during this camp. so i didnt really get to enjoy the whole camp thoroughly as i cant play most of the games. i didnt even have the chance to go bukit timah hill with them! when it seemed to be so much fun. sighs. they had about 4 workshops and some games. and there was candlelit dinner too which everyone got to enjoy a buffet dinner. haha.

what's most importantly, i really get to know lots of friends! and i was really touched tt when i was sick most of the time, most of them were always showing their concerns towards me.

and through this camp, i get to have a son, a daughter and of course, my husband! lols. we have lots and lots of fun during the whole camp. when the camp had ended, it was actually quite sad. but i am glad too since i am able to go home and rest.

but good things did not end so fast (:
i get to meet them today!
we caught a movie- prince caspian together and shirlyn treated us.
and of course, not to forget my "husband" who paid for the food. haha.
after tt, some of them went off first while the rest of us went for our dinner.
we had some arcade games after tt which really drove most of us crazy. lols.
i believed i shouted till like some mad woman. thanks to my daugther and chelsea. lols.
after tt all of us took the bus together and took some photos.

talking all these now, actually made me starting to miss them!
i really cant wait to see them again one day!

RE-DA ROCKS!!!
and yes, all the pictures we have taken together! (look weird XD)

good friend of yours?

2008-04-17T22:34:00.004+08:00

many things happened these days.
and i didnt realise it until today.
it seems like my friends around me are not feeling really good.

maybe due to the hot weather, everyone is feeling quite hot tempered (hmm, i do feel that way)
or maybe due to certain situations that we're facing each single day, have made us feeling moody and depressing.
sighs, i cant help it but to feel sad too.

i am not feeling real good these days.
just fall sick today, maybe i had taken something wrong today.
so had been vomiting quite sometimes in the morning.
so ended up signing out from school.
yeah, so still feel abit nauseous and giddy until now.

sometimes i really think...
i am not a good friend afterall.
when my friends feel really sad, at times i really dont know exactly what i can say to cheer them up.

i am afraid that i will say the wrong thing, which makes them even sadder.
i am too stupid at times, when i dont know exactly what to say so i will just keep my mouth shut.
i am too pathetic and sympathetic with my own self, to even look at my friends when they may need some encouragement and console from people too.

maybe this year for me is A levels.
so my mind is whirling around with study and mugging.
which really make me tired out.
i have lost my momentum, my vigor and energy to continue the battle on.

yes, i have been saying lots of time to myself though.
i will meet up with my frens, stay in touch with them, talk to them more.
but it seems hard to do it at times.

everyday i am feeling so tired.
but as weird it is, i will wake up in the middle of the night at times.
thinking that i haven complete my work.
then fall back to slp.
it has been going on this way for days.

yeah, friends are really important to me.
without them, i really dont know how am i going to survive on even my family is around too.

there was a day when i talked to my friend.
most people are saying that when exam are around the corner...
people around you, including your own friends, will show their true colours.
in a way like in order to do much better than u, they dont mind using underhand means to be at the upper hand.
it really freaked me out though.
i really start to ponder about this matter.
will it really happen?

and is there a possiblity,
tt i am belonged to this kind of peopl?
i had said to myself that i wont be like that.
but really?
i really dont know.

but it is really hurtful if my friend will to treat me this way.
i think i wont be able to concentrate well then.

at times, i really hope tt i am gd enough.
to think of something nice i can say to my frens.
or at least to make them feel better.

but only if i can think of something.

time is the important factor.

2008-03-14T14:28:00.003+08:00

it has been sometimes i have updated my bloggie.
so decide to update today when i am supposed to study now.
maybe i need a space to rant... haha.

getting quite frustrated about revision.
i had been waking up ard 6.30am every morning.
because my parents had gone abroad the past 4 days, so every chore in the house including "babysitting" my sisters are my responsibilities.
that means even waking my youngest sis to go to sch.
hmm, i dont really mind since i am an early bird and i can wake up earlier to study.
but the problem is, i dont feel that i had done any revision.
progress is really slow, and i feel as if i did not accomplish anything.
most of the time i maybe in the daze, or otherwise i am busy with worrying things not being well done at home or abt my sisters. Like their meals etc.

it's good that my parents not at home, so i can study more efficiently.
it did help abit at first... but i realise after that, i seem to be more busy.
since i have become the parent in the house.

aww...
whatever it is, i just get worried now whether i am able to finish everything by mon.
i havent even started my chem until now.
when it has the most topic to go through.

and here i am crapping.
wasting time again.
see...
i even start to worry for my maths, which is my forte subject.
not sure what will happen to my other subs.

anyway. god bless me and let me pull through.
I DONT WANT TO SEE ANY PRINCIPAL OR HOD!!!
IS S-H-A-M-E-F-U-L.

Off to taiwan! (:

2008-02-05T20:14:00.000+08:00

be back on 10 feb midnight.
will update my trip by then (:

maybe i am the one who has problem.

2008-01-28T19:25:00.000+08:00

people who dont want to read can just go...
okay, i am sorry.
but i am just feeling this way all these while...
so cant blame me if i am saying things that sound hurting.

i am just feeling upset with my parents these days...
maybe i am feeling stressed up or temperamental at the moment.
but i really just cant stand it anymore.

even my mum just pissed me off too.
i dont know, i just feel that both of them are selfish.
why they always think in their own positions and never tried to put themselves in my shoe and think about my feelings?
even i tried to talk to them.
they just being so conscious about their own world, own thinking.

is just so tiring and disappointing to continue talking to them.
sometimes, i really just feel like crying.
it just makes me feel so lonely at times.
because it seemed like nobody really cared about my feelings.
especially my parents, which make me even more upset.
i had already been tolerating for a very long time.
and yeah, to everyone who is reading this blog.
maybe already start to think that i should be the one who is problematic.

maybe you are right.
since i am so upset with so many ppl.
maybe i am the one who need to think over.
but i just cant think of any reason why i should think over?

it seemed like just because i am the eldest in the family.
does that make it a point that i have to be the one who always do everything?
sometimes, i also will be lazy and do not feel like doing anything. there will be times i will feel tired too.
does that mean that being the eldest, i am not allowed to?
is it really so?
i also need a shoulder to be lend on.
i am not as strong as what everyone always think.

and i also dont understand why i am so upset with my parents.
maybe their actions already make me feeling very disappointed with them.
and it seemed like they dont understand.
and i think even i tell ppl about it,
ppl might just think, i am just complaining all the way. so they just keep quiet, feel that i shouldnt be behaving this way.
feel that i am very unreasonable.
yeah, i am unreasonable to all of you.

and maybe...
because at this point of time.
i really need support from ppl, esp my parents.
but instead, what i get from them.
are just disappointment and unhappiness.

i already feel disappointed with my dad.
and i feel like... i already become numb to him.
am i going to treat my mum tt way too?

if so...
i really dont know what am i going to do for my life down the road.
because... i dont feel like i have any family anymore.

i am alone.
and that is what i am feeling now.

and yes, i will not seek comfort from people again.
because i dont see the point of doing it anymore.
it will just become a pain to them.
so i understand.
sorry to trouble everyone.

DONT COMMENT ABOUT IT. THIS IS WHAT I FEEL.

2008-01-18T22:23:00.000+08:00

I HATE HIM.
I JUST HATE HIM.
I REALLY REALLY HAVE ENOUGH.
STOP SAYING THAT I AM NOT CONCERNED ABOUT HIM.
OR SAY I AM JUST BEING SELF CENTRED.

BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE!
YEAH YEAH.
I AM THE BAD GIRL.
I AM THE REBEL ONE.
I AM THE ONE IN THE WRONG.

I DONT CARE WHAT ALL OF YOU THINK.
BECAUSE YOU ALL JUST DONT UNDERSTAND.

I REALLY HAVE ENOUGH.
IF I REALLY CAN GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND AWAY FROM HIM.
I WILL DO IT.

I WILL REALLY DO IT.

THIS IS MY LIMIT OF TOLERANCE.
I NEVER FEEL SO DISAPPOINTED, SAD AND ANGRY ABOUT SOMEONE.

SO ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP.
NOT HAPPY, CAN JUST LEAVE AND DONT LOOK AT THIS BLOG!
BECAUSE I WONT CARE ANYMORE!

stop acting as if you know everything! YOU ARE NOT.

2008-01-05T17:08:00.000+08:00

i have enough of my dad's chauvinistic actions!
you cannot do it, mean u cannot do it.
why always act as if you always know everything??

last time because of his actions, he had spolit all the aircons in our house.
and now, the aircon is leaking again, and you know what he is pouring in?
BLEACH AND WATER. as if he is so clever like that. yeah, i believe the aircon will be spoilt again.

and have u ever hear people put tinner into aircon???
i think he wants all of us to die from tinner poisoning.
even my tuition teacher also find it ridiculous.

just because he wants to save money from calling aircon services.
just to save the few hundred bucks and then cause all the aircons to spoil.
by tt time, he's going to spend thousands over to replace all the aircons again.

PLEASE. you are not a master in all areas.
instead, i think he is a idiot in all areas.
okay, i know that i am bad to say my dad like that.
BUT I HAVE ENOUGH.

even his car also smelled of tinner.
makes me feel so giddy all the times.
i really dont want to sit his car to school.
i would rather wake up early, squeeze the bus with other ppl and go to school.
and even walked to school than taking his bloody car.

always think he is right all the times and dont bother to listen to us.
please, actually you are wrong all the times.
always says that we do not talk any sense.

you are just too opinionated.
i feel like just knocking you out of your head.

just because you are my dad, i cant do it.
if you are not, i really will just strangle you!!!!!!

get off your that pissed and f***ing attitude!

nice day. nice food (:

2007-12-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

i had met up with sabby today (:
yupp, studied together at westmall mac and did some catching up which we stopped halfway during the bus journey on mon class outing.
it've been a long time ever since we really talked so much.
so hoped that we will have more dates next time yeah? lols.

after that i had met up my darlingS sisters and weitat for dinner.
as i promised my sisters before, i would bring them to holland village to eat.
so yeah, brought them to olio restaurant.
the one which i had my lunch with jere =D

of course, i would definitely order my capellini salmon fillet spaghetti.
we ordered a potato wedges as side dish too.
vivien had a soft shell crab sandwich.
pamela had a olio laksa pasta which i recommended to her (since jere said that was nice)
and not to forget weitat, who ordered a tandoori chicken sandwich.
they had a promotion now, ordered 2 pasta/pizza/entrees, you get to have one free pasta/pizza/entree. so we ordered a teriyaki pizza.
all of us tried all the different dishes and yea, they were fantastic.
and of course, for me i still like my main course XD
what really surprised was that weitat and vivien sandwiches were quite big. lols.
thought it would be a small one. but the portion was big.
the toasted burger was just nice, crispy enough and easy to bite.

and yeah, the potato wedges were good too. we loved their sauces alot. tartar and salsa sauce.
the teriyaki pizza was good too. i love the pizza crust. it was thin and crispy. tasted like biscuit cracker which wont make us feel bloated after eating it.

lastly, we ordered a dessert that i never get the chance to eat last time. olio style brownie, a chocolate brownie wedged with vanilla gelato and poured with hot sweet fudge. it was nice and of course, one person really cant finish it.

after finished all the food, i was really full. lols. but i think it's worth it. we just walked around for a while and took a look at the supermarket. next time if i want to buy italian, western or baking ingredients, i will definitely go to this cold storage in holland village. it has all the ingredients i want. haha.

so anyway, it was quite an enjoyable day =D

what's this all about?

2007-12-18T20:20:00.000+08:00

hmm. been sometimes ever since i had blogged.
so i decided to blog today.
yeah, i'm home today for the whole day.
supposedly to have seoul garden with my sister but the mood isn't there.
since i had gone out yesterday, and i thought that it might be more appropriate to stay home today. otherwise i would be nagged by my parents.

the outing was okay but not as fun as last year's outing.
maybe due to the weather? but it was still nice to be able to meet my sec friends again.
so all of us just hanged around and had dinner together.

hmm, maybe i talked something else.
school's reopening soon.
this should be.... the 3rd week i assumed?
and yeah, 1 more week to go and time to start mugging.

been sometimes ever since i talked abt my own feelings.
how do i really feel about this new coming year?
honestly, i'm not really looking forward to it.
there're several personal and academically reasons.
so yeah, academically of course i have to work hard and pressure definitely will be building up.
and i chose to retain so... the stress of course will be greater.
which i think of it now, is quite depressing.

and for personal... maybe next time we then talked abt it. because at one point, i am scared and tired. and another point, is i dont really wan to talk about it.

but for me, i just hope that i can light heartedly welcome 2008 as a brand new year and this is my wish.
past 2 years, the life was not very smooth. so yeah... hard life -.-"

and just hope everyone will just stay happy and cheerful all the time.
smile all the time because smiling is contagious.
when one's sad, everyone will be sad.
but of course, dont hide it away when u are really feeling down.
sometimes, people still need a shoulder to lean on isn't it?
so just voice out yr unhappiness and sorrow when u really need.
i believe friends will be there for u.
and yes, i can be the listening ear too (:

so tt all for now.
maybe i am feeling abit emo now -.-"
sometimes i just hope for myself, i will never know what is sadness or depressed.
so i can stay cheerful and stress free all the time.
can i wish that for my christmas present?

yes yes, workshadowing (:

2007-11-24T13:33:00.003+08:00

okay, my workshadowing had officially ended yesterday.
of course, i am definitely sad but a tinge of happiness?
because i really enjoyed the whole SGH workshadowing but yeah, is quite tiring. from 9am to 5pm (sometimes abit longer).
hmm, there're too much things to say about this workshadowing so... i think i will just summarise what most of us exactly had done during this workshadowing.
basically, i did not really work for one whole 2 weeks but was spread out throughout the 2 weeks.

On 12 nov, we had gone for a orientation talk given by the speakers from different departments like diagnostic radiology, infection control, pharmacy, nursing etc... you name it! XD
hmm, there was nothing much on that particular day with just a brief introduction about what SGH can offer and how it actually works. but this whole orientation takes one whole day. so yeah, that was our first day!
and i realise that Pioneer JC was not the only JCs that was having SGH workshadowing. there were other JCS and yeah, i cannot deny that i did feel abit intimidated by them. because those students are from raffles jc, hwa chong jc, victoria jc, temasek jc. we're only the... you know what i mean -.-"
and all of workshadowing students were broken into 2 groups- first group was having their attachments from 13-16 nov while the other one was having from 20-23 nov(yes, i was in this group). so the first group was all the prestigious JC students while 2nd group were us plus some other students (of course these students are still from the prestigious ones...)

On 20 nov, my real attachment started! there were a total strength of 10 students. we were again broken into 2 groups- with 4 pioneer students including me and one Victoria guy as one group and the rest in another group.
each different day we were be assigned to different departments.
for this particular day, my group had gone to the RCCM lab where we visited the Sleep Disorders Unit and the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). hmm, there was nothing much we had learnt in this field but just given introduction of what they do and the explanation of the machine usage (ventilators etc). we get the chance to take a look of the ICU ward and gosh, there was really alot of medical equipments inside. anyway, i lazy to type so i ended this part (:

on 21 nov, again we were separated. this time my 2 other pioneer friends (Wan Ting, Tresa) went to the Dermatology and nuclear medicine departments while my other pioneer friend (Shameera), Victoria guy (Hari) and i went to Radiology. of course, we learnt about all the x rays, CT scan, MRI... okay, i am lazy to type lols. but i really learnt alot of things which people will never get to learn if they didnt have attachment because duh, it's not possible for them to let you go in and see =D

on 22 nov, i had gone to the Dermatology and nuclear medicine. yes, dermatology of course is to learn more about the treatment of skin and we went to the burn ward. hmm, most of the patients are almost recovered so... not really much to see. the nurse was really very warm loving. she really taught and explained to us alot of stuffs... so i really get to know alot about dermatology. yeaps.
and the next half of my day, we had gone to the nuclear medicine. there was nothing much to learn over there because it's just a small department which is somehow doing the same thing like radiology. they are just 2 different departments as nuclear medicine is more like... scanning to check if the functionality of the body organs are still working. yeaps, sort of?

on 23 nov, it was my last day of attachment =( really quite sad because i did enjoy my workshadowing and yes, i missed my friends. built quite a gd friendship with them. anyway, it was totally on nursing. we had gone to the diabetics center for the first half of the day. gosh, i really like the SGH nurses! they were really really very nice and friendly, willing to answer our questions without fail. Nurse Chan actually briefed us while walking towards the center and after that, she explained to us the whole theory about Diabetes. lols. yeaps, all the type 1 and 2 etc. next, she attached us to a doctor which gave consultation and to the podiatry. i went to the podiatry first and the 2 podiatrist were caucasian -.-" and there were 3 SAJC students over there. felt weird but hmm, they were friendly. after that i joined the doctor and observed how he gave a consultation to the patient. i could feel the passion and patience the doctor had towards his patients. i held in awe towards him! my salute to him! XD LOLS.
my next half of the day, we had gone to another nurse who was in charge of changing the feeding tube and to another department- anorexia ward. haha. okay, get to know alot of stuff again and yeaps, in general, i loved this last day of attachment the best! okay, i lazy to type further more haha...

generally, i enjoy this whole SGH workshadowing and want to thank SGH and my school for giving me this opportunity (okay, i know that they wont be able to see this). hope that i can have another kind of this attachment soon! (=

selfish?

2007-11-18T16:37:00.001+08:00

my heart's feeling quite heavy these days.
hmm, maybe because my holidays are just passing like a flash? and yea...
there's another matter too.

my doggy, jackie, will be given away tomorrow.
just think about it, cant help but feeling very sad and down.
anyway, i dont really feel like talking about it and then just make me wanting to cry.

is just that my dad is already sick of looking after it so decide to give to his friend. that's it.
and yeah, now I HAVE TO WORRY if he will be even giving away the mother dog (mandy).
i really hope he wont do that.
because... i will be really angry with him or even... dislike him?

i really dont understand him. since from the starting he know that he did not have the ability to stay firm to look after the dog all the way. he shouldnt have bought the dog 3-4 years ago.
when now, all of us have already developed a strong feeling for the dogs.
he's going to tear all of us apart from the dogs.
does he know... the feeling is just like being separated from a family member?

and yeah right, last time to tell us that looking after dogs is his hobby.
so is this how his hobby goes about? by looking after for a while and then give away?
i really dont know...
and i really cannot bear to see the scene tomorrow...

sighs, not continuing...
i am just feeling confused and...
aww, mixture of feelings! thinking about it, just make me headache.

NICE OUTING (:

2007-11-07T22:33:00.000+08:00

yes, i had GP remedial today and was told last min that actually i no need to go... but anyway, i think that it's alrite for the sake of my GP.

okay. let me talk about what i had done for today (:
had met mr JEREMY LIM CHUN HWEE (i'm doing tt too HAHA) for a 2pm lunch at holland village.
yeah, went around looking at all the restaurants, trying to look for one that caught our attention.
so we came up with a few choices- olio, marmalade pantry, foster?...
but in the end, we decided on olio. i think is more like a western cuisine? after looking through the menu again when we went in.
so yupp, both of us ordered spaghetti. i have one tt serve with salmon while jere has one serving with laksa flavour (i forget the name).
i find the food is quite nice and appetizing. aww, should have taken down the dish, cos the way they present it is nice (:

and yeah, we started our old times' chatting like we used to be. chatted lots of stuff ranging from one topic to another. we also went for some icecream at the rock to continue our chatting time. can u believe it, just a scoop of natural yogurt with almond can cost me 7 bucks (0_0) but i think is quite nice. haha. so... pay for its worth and anyway, once in a while wont hurt XD

i think if there's a longer time, we can catch up more. due to time constraints ( got to meet my sisters), so got to end it.
maybe we can have more meeting ups next time =D
and talking bout catching up... yea, like i mentioned before. there're lots of people more for me to meet up.
time for me to start planning! but at the moment, my schedule is real tight. aww...
especially when my workshadowing starts next mon....

so yea, i hopped up the bus to meet my sisters, accompanying them for their dinner.
they had it at breeks in takashimaya, thought tt it was really an enjoyable dinner with the order of a cajun blackened fish set meal for vivien, a seafood baked rice for pam, buffalo wings and a cookies and cream milkshake to be shared, and of course not forgetting, a hot and thick hazelnut chocolate for me! but... haha. the bill is not very nice. costed us about 60 bucks XD anyway the meal i had with jere already costed almost 30 bucks hahaha.

so after that, of course! i will never forget!! to ask them to take neoprints!!! lols. really, is damn fun and we took alot of funny pics. wanted to put them up, but abit lazy :P
i ADORE those neoprints alot. i never had a neoprints of the 3 of us before, can u believe it?! this is the first one! i will definitely TREASURE it, just like i treasure them (:
i LOVE my sisters!

haha. and yes, definitely need more outings with them too! create more photoshooting memories of course! heh heh.
anyway, we actually shopped around, looking for bags...
but it seemed like nothing caught our attention. so we took the bus around 9pm.
can continue the shopping on friday when pam needs to go down to collect her OBS stuff at city hall.

today was really a nice time.
hope tt everyday will be as joyful as today (:

hectic is the only word.

2007-11-05T01:43:00.000+08:00

if i am not wrong, this should be the 2nd week of my holidays.
there's lots of incoming and outgoing happenings around me these 2 weeks.
like my studies, my 1 day work etc...
hmm, not exactly alot for now (maybe is the 1 day work- difficult to talk it here cos i am lazy to type out), but i am sure that i will be damn freaking busy from the 3rd week onwards. aww...

these past few days i have sort of doing some thinking, exactly what am i supposed to do for 2008, meeting my friends, my crammed holidays...
too much for me to think about, which actually irks me.

feel like typing out what exactly is running through my mind, but everything is just too confusing to say it out in words.
maybe i should try now.

here it goes...
7 nov- gp remedial (deserved it, for failing my gp!)
9 nov- my doom day (promo status criteria)
12 to 23 nov- workshadowing at singapore general hospital(sgh)
26 to 27 nov- SIF metro (CIP)
3 to 4 dec- astronomy club chalet
2... dec- 4e1 chalet???

NOV
revision: -first priority. biology (revision on all the topics, tys homework, doing some work revision)
-research given by sgh (maybe need to do presentation? okay, then it's going to really make me REAL busy)
-chemistry (same as bio)
-maths (do maths dec hols assignment, start some flipping through on next yr topics)
-gp? DEFINITELY have to do sth about it!
-econs? i am not sure ('',)
-catching up with my friends

DEC
-start chem and maths tuition
-maybe summing up on all my revision
-spring cleaning of my room (i did that every yr, so DEFINITELY have to do it!)
-last catching up with my friends before going to my doom next year

okay, just looking at it.
i feel like i should be gasping for breath soon.
this is worse than running -.-" i would rather run for 100 miles and crying in pain.

i think workshadowing really takes up most of my time.
frankly, i am quite looking forward to it and at the same time, scared about it too.
i really dont know what exactly is going to happen over there and if it does really worth my time to spend over there.
i hope that i will not be disappointed.
anyway, since i have gone through all the troubles of interviews and signing up, i should learn to accept and enjoy the experience over there, right?
yupp, that's it! i HAVE to.

and yea, i REALLY need the motivation and determination to make myself study, otherwise i will really be dead next year. maybe not even next year, i may be dead by now XD
only if i can make my butt stuck to the chair and my mind stuck to the paper without drifting to the wonderland...

i think i will be damn glad if someone can help me with tt
your help will be fully appreciated =D

and sighs, i think study should be the greatest factor and the FIRST real priority for me now.
i cant afford to waste anymore time, eileen goh.

retain for a year, still failing my gp and biology. is really a CONDEMN for me.
and what's really makes me depressed is that, these ARE the 2 subjects which i want to improve.
and yeah i know. you no need to tell me---> this is for my dad.
i know IS NOT WORKING. okay, i get it! there's not a need to keep whining at my ears. u know, is really a sore.

and yeah i know, i told u on my birthday ( which YOU REALLY RUINED IT) that i can brush up during this holiday.
so okay i will do it.
but i really cant believe myself of getting my good grades by common test -.-"

i hope praying at the bugis temple really helps.
okay, i am pushing my responsiblity to the god.
NO!!!
but at least god, give me the strength in believing myself of doing it.

yeah, bless me.

What's exactly is life all about?

2007-11-02T11:19:00.000+08:00

hmm.
you can say that i'm bored.
so decided to chat about something.

Life.
sometimes, i'm really wondering what we are living for.
are we born, just to be trained like a human machine, to contribute to society.
hoping us to be more inventive and knowledgeable enough to improve the world in some ways or other.
or is it really as what we believe in, gods? who we are blessed to be living in this world, to get to enjoy the love and care we have from our families.

for me, i will not deny that sometimes i am living a meaningless life.
okay, some people may not have the same thinking as me.
but that's how i feel sometimes.

my life, is just waking up early in the morning.
went to school for lessons. then went home for food, bathe, study and play.
so my life- food, bathe, study, play.
it seems like this is the whole cycle for my life.
otherwise during holidays, is just adding another category- work.
even tt happen for grown up of me.

isnt that everyone's life?
and yes, our lives now especially in developing countries, are becoming more stressful and intense.
with the advanced science technology and high standard of living, all of us have been working hard in terms of work or study.
it seems like sometimes i'm really wondering.
humans are judged by our academic ability for students, or capability for grown up adults.

so, as long as you are not able to meet the expectations of this fast paced and realistic society, off you go.
just like the quoting, "survivor of the fittest".

are all of us just worth a piece of paper?
just by looking at our academic qualification, are we able to be judged with what type of qualities we possessed?
or how far we can go?

i dont know.
i remember one of the teachers told us before.
we are not just a number as shown on our academic results.
we are humans.
so we should not be feeling disappointed or discouraged.
but sometimes i really doubted it.

i think that they just preach what they said.
i mean how is it possible that we are not judged as a number when whereever we go or do, most of the time we are using our academic qualifications?

even within your families, they are even using results to judge.
okay it may not apply to you but that's how i feel.
if we are not a number.
why are we still required qualifications to find a good job.
it doesnt seem like any tom and jerry is allowed to take up any job.

so ya, to differentiate the talents from the stupids.
i really feel that we are no different from a machine or robot.
is just that we are able to move around and act to do things accordingly under our own control.
that should be the only difference between us from them.

haha okay, i know it sounds very pessimistic -.-"
i dont know.
this is just a penny of my thoughts.

emptiness.

2007-10-24T22:22:00.001+08:00

just feeling sad.
and emptiness....

just hope holidays will be coming at a faster rate.
i need to recover from mental strain.

HATE MYSELF. HATE MY LIFE. I JUST HATE EVERYTHING!

2007-10-17T00:59:00.001+08:00

EVERYTHING JUST IRKS ME.
I HATE MYSELF!
FOR BEING SO STUPID.
CANT EXCEL IN STUDIES.
AND DO SO BADLY IN SCHOOL.
ENDED UP RETAINING.
AND NOW BLOODY HELL.
HAVE TO THINK ABOUT MY RESULTS.
WORRY ABOUT PROMOTION.
FOR NOT ABLE TO MEET MY DAD'S F**** EXPECTATION.

FOR BEING SO UNHEALTHY.
GETTING SICK AND SPEND MONEY ON DOCTOR.
THANKS TO MY F*** STOMACH.
EVERY NOW AND THEN FEELING PAIN ALL THE WHILE.
MAKING MYSELF SO MISERABLE!

FOR HAVING SUCH A SELFISH DAD.
ALWAYS HAVE TO SMELL MY F***-ING DAD'S CIGARETTE SMOKE.
AND I AM WAITING FOR ANOTHER ILLNESS TO DEVELOP.
A RESPIRATORY PROBLEM.
I WILL DIE MUCH EARLIER THAN ANYONE!

I DONT WANT FALL ILL ANYMORE!!
I HAVE ENOUGH OF ALL THESE ILLNESSES!

I DONT WANT TO CRY EVERY NOW AND THEN.
I HAVE ENOUGH WORRIES!
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF.
MY RESULT.
MY A LEVEL!
I DONT WANT TO LIVE IN THIS KIND OF LIFE!!!!!!

JUST LET ME DIE!
I MIGHT AS WELL KILL MYSELF!
I REALLY HATE MYSELF FOR LIVING THIS WAY!
I REALLY DONT WANT ANYMORE!!!
I AM REALLY GOING NUTS!!!!!!!!!

AND I REALLY FEEL LIKE DYING!!!!!!!!!
JUST KILL ME!!!!!!!
I HAVE ENOUGH!

LIFE JUST DONT SEEM TO BE MEANINGFUL AT ALL!
I DONT WNAT TO GO THROUGH ALL THESE TORMENT ANYMORE.
please....

AND JUST DONT BOTHER ME!
I AM JUST A USELESS HOPELESS PERSON WHO IS JUST WAITING TO DIE!

HONG KONG!!

2007-10-15T03:03:00.001+08:00

okay! yeah.
i got the pictures.

sorry to update so late yupp.
so i went to hongkong on 3 oct.
we took an afternoon flight.
singapore airline!

is damn cool.

movies, games and nice food...

when we reached hk.is already nite.so we checked in and put down our stuff.

started our first stroll in hk!

hmm.

we were quite lost.

because was too overwhelming.
the street there.

is very complicated and lotsa of people.

shops and billboards everywhere.
lotsa of criss-crossed traffic light.

and the first day.

we already started our shopping! lols.

bought necklace which were damn cheap over there.
there are many shops selling teenager clothes.

so my sis and i got to buy some clothes. heh heh.

and we ate our dinner abt 11pm. (it seems to be supper -.-")

then we continue our shopping till like 12 plus then went back to the hotel around 2am.

haha. these are our routine everyday in hk.

so when i came back from spore, have difficulty in adjusting back.

because we woke up around 10am and slpt around 3-4am.

hk shops do not open very early.

i will try to summarise everything.

okay.

during this whole trip.

we walked REALLY alot.

and average of about 10 hrs everyday.

from about 11am to 12am.

and is non stop.
we have eaten alot too!

I LOVE THEIR DIM SUM!
is much more better than spore.

and talking bt it.

i miss it already :(

and their portion.

gosh. was really big.

so most of the time.

we only ordered 3, shared by 4 of us.

could not even finished sometimes. can u believe it?!

their food were not bad.
i like their dessert.
and yea.

we went to the peak.

taking the tram.
i had a damn BAD experience when taking the tram.

dont want to elaborate further.

but at the peak.

the scenery was really nice.

we got to see the whole land of hk.

took lotsa of pictures over there.

and the ticket was not cheap.

about 50 bucks in sing?

yea.
most of the time.

we were just shopping and eating.

but actually.

5 days in hk were really not enough.

there were so many places to shop.

and lols.

i cant believe tt we actually walked from sham sha shui to mong kok.

were about 4 stations away!

haha.

leg were really sore those times.

but i think i am already trained to walk very long journey.
haha.

really missed hk and dont really feel like coming back.

during the trip.

i totally didnt think bt my school stuff.

but the day b4 we came back to spore.

suddenly thought bt it.
which made my sis and i quite emo-ed.

sighs.

but anyway.
the whole trip was quite enjoyable.
hope tt this time i am able to go taiwan soon!

here i come, HONG KONG!

2007-10-03T12:17:00.000+08:00

i am leaving my house soon.
to airport!

yupp.
i am going hong kong today.
will be back on sun.
hope tt it will be an enjoyable trip.

will be lotsa of things to update by then.
so yupp.
will tell you all bt my trip then!

ciao!

really, i am scared.

2007-09-24T19:14:00.000+08:00

mugging since morning.
that is what i have been doing these days.
from as early as 5.30 am or 6am in the morning.
hmm. maybe certain days didnt really mug all the way.
of course have break in between.

but for today. gosh.
from morning till now.
so i am having my break now.

okay.
maybe i have to blamed myself.
for not studying harder enough.
or starting much more earlier.
so now i trying to cram everything.

maybe practice too much on maths and chem.
so i totally neglected my other subs.
and i think i will flunk my GP.
which is really depressing.

and of course.
i didnt touch my bio.
what the hell.
sighs.

and ya...
i am scared.
I MEAN REALLY SCARED.

cause i cant retain anymore and i CANT afford to retain again.
and it seems like my dad is really discouraging...
at this pt of time...
which makes me feel more dull and depressed.

but really thanks, my friend.
for pulling me up again. ( you know who (: )
did make me feel better.
though now i still feeling down...

i really hope tt i can get over this promo and soon as possible.
and please.
i dont want to fail my promos.
and i wan to get GOOD RESULTS.
i CANT scrape through anymore!

cause i dont think it is excusable for me to get poor results.
which makes me feel more pressurized.
than any time in my life...

so ya...
bless me.

quizzie

2007-09-16T16:41:00.000+08:00

okay. i am asked to do this quiz by jere.
just came back from tuition. so... is rest time (:

1.List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:
1. to spend my 18th birthday with my friends and family.
2. a trip to japan with my friends ONLY totally sponsered by my dad. LOLS.
3. meet my LOVER guy, ZAC EFRON (:
4. of course is NICE FOOD! high class restaurants... or even hotels XD
5. maybe a new bag? like the urban male?

2.How you think people around you will feel about you?
hmm. some say i am depressed -.-" other than tt i really dont know. maybe someone can tell me abt it.

3.The character you love of yourself are? My hyperactive-ness! which i dont think i have anymore.

4.On the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are?
my pessimistic towards life and my stressed-up character.

5.The most ideal person you want to be is? still myself (:

6.Pass this quiz to 10 persons.
1.Hong Yan
2.Vivien
3.Sabrina
4.Ailing
5.Grace
6.Stanley
7.Shawn
8.Kenneth
9.Jonathan
10.Deirdre

Who is no.6 having relationship with?
i dont know.

Is no.9 a male or female?
Male.

if no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
they dont know each other? but if they really be together. LOLS.
i will be laughing =D

How about no.8 and 5?
weird =/

What is no.2 studying about?
chemistry, biology, maths, chinese, econs, gp, pw.

When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
really long ago :( i am sorry!

7.What kind of music band does no.8 like?
erm. i not really sure.

8.Does no.1 has any siblings?
Yeah. plus her is 4.

9.Will you woo no.3?
unless i am a lesbian.

10.How about no.7?
Nope.

21.Is no.4 single?
dont know. seem to be yes and maybe no.

22.What’s the surname of no.5?
Teo.

23.What’s the hobby of no.4?
horging at the mirror and making her hair and face.

Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
casual friends?

25.Where is no.2 studying at?
PJC.

26.Talk something casually about no.1?
A great friend who u can enjoy her company (:

27.Have you try developing feelings for no.8?
Not at all.

28. Where does no 9 lives?
i think is toa payoh.

29.What color does no.4 like?
pink?

30.Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
casual friends?

31.Does no.7 likes no.2?
No. haha.

32.How do you get to know no.2?
she is my sister -.-"

33.Does no 1 have pets?
maybe fishes? lols.

34.Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
LOLS. i really dont know bt tt and i also dont wan to know abt it too.

mugging time for me?

2007-09-03T11:47:00.000+08:00

is sept holiday!
yupp.
must be thinking of enjoying the whole week?
for me. hmm. i think no.

after this sept hols.
promo is coming.
so mean need to MUGG.
sighs.

it seems like i am not really prepared though.
and i think i am suffering from exam phobia now (0_0)
i am not doing really well in my few recent tests.
my brain just blocked or drained. think i am mentally tired.

but really.
i wan to get my average Bs by promo.
hope that i am able to achieve.

but until now.
i didnt even start reading my notes!
okay. gone case.
really need to mugg hard these days.
no outing.
no resting.
no enjoying =(

wanna catch up with my frens.
but i dont think i have the time.

anyway.
just hope everyone will be doing fine in their upcoming exams.

and yea.
dont be sad and stressed up okay. you know who i am talking about (:
need a chat, look for me!
i can be yr listening ear.

she has changed.

2007-08-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

sighs.
i feel that my sis had changed.

her attitude towards our family is really bad sometimes.
for example.
our house heater is spoilt and cannot be on for too long.
otherwise the balcony will be flooded with water due to the burst pipe of the heater.

so my mum asked her to bathe now so that she can switch if off after that.
and i ask her if she wan to bathe now, if not i will switch it off.
then she said switched it off but my dad wanted her to bathe.
so she said okay.
and after that.
she just stayed in her room doin her own stuff.
i told my mum about it and my mum asked her to bathe.
and she just threw tantrum back at me.

for what?
i am NOT the one who want her to bathe now.
she does not want to bathe is her business.
but is dad who wan her to bathe now.
so what for throwing temper at me.
do it to dad! not me.

and also quite pissed by her action.
she has to give a thought to our mum!
because of her delaying in bathing.
my mum has to clean the balcony floor later.
and is like so tiring for her after one whole day of mopping.

sighs.
i dont know.
i am really disappointed with her.
this is not the only case.
i dont want to elaborate more.

and...
it seems like i start to not really feel like talking to her anymore.
because she makes me feel tt she is no different from a gangster.
i also start to distrust her.
for every action and things she does.

anyway.
forget it.
i want to reason out with her but she definitely will retaliate back and give that pissed look.
so i dont see the point of it.

and i know it sounds ironic and stupid to say this.
i really hope she can see what i have wrote about this.
so she can reflect.

but i think.
she will be more pissed instead and think that is my fault.
or even hate me.

so.
whatever.

TIOMAN TRIP!

2007-08-14T17:48:00.000+08:00

HOME SWEET HOME! okay. i'm back on sunday. reached home abt 8pm so quite tired to blog about it. so have to do it today (:

okay! let me tell u more about this trip! before i start. just share my reflection on this trip.

after i have gone to this trip, i really learn alot of things that we did not get the chance to learn in school. We learn more about ecosystem ad biodiversity on Pulau Tioman. During this trip, we get to identify the different types of species and how they adapt and behave in their environment. And of course, the scenary is very breathtaking and peaceful. We get to enjoy the sea breeze everyday, and i dont think city people can always get the chance to enjoy =X Unfortunately, it seems that the forest and ecosystem over there is disturbed due to the deforestation and construction occurring. Nevertheless, it's still a very good experience.personally, i really hope that i am able to go there again and i encourage everyone to do so too! it's really very relaxing and a good knowledgeable place to go. And yea, a fun place to enjoy!

Day 1: intertidal walk
We had woken up 4am in the morning and reached there about 1pm. We had our lunch first and then started our orientation tour around tioman. On our way, i took a nice sea view of tioman!

And we had buffet for all our three meals everyday -.-“ and i gained weight (thought i would lose weight when i went for this trip aww). During the tour, the professor, Dr Ng, explained some plants for us and the different uses of them. For example, the attachi ( doesnt really know how to spell) from the ice kachang. (below)We walked past the mangrove and was told that we would be exploring it on Day 2.
After that, we went to our room for a rest and have dinner at 7pm. And we started our intertidal walk at about 9pm! Interidal walk means that we would be walking in the sea during the low tide and got the chance to look at the sea creatures that live in. I did nto get the chance to take pics because was not very convenient. In this walk, there were a few organiams which really interest me. One of them is the flat worm. It is black in colour and it moves in a way like dancing. It looks abit like some algae to me but is really very beautiful. The professor actually broke it into 2 accidentally but lucky, it can regenerate itself! I am really fascinated by it. Another one is the octopus. It is actually transluccent but it changes colour to black for camouflaging i think. On our way back to the island and we saw sea urchin! We were told that we had to be cautious about it because it can really tear open our skin if we stepped on it! That is the end of the first day.

Day 2: Forest and night mangrove walk
We woke up at 6am and had our breakfast. We had our date summary and discussion about 9am for the intertidal walk yesterday. We needed to discus and share our work on all the types of species we discovered. After that, we proceeded to the forest walk about 1.30pm. So all of us hiked our way up to the forest and got to learn all the different types of plant species and their different adaptations.We had some time to sit around the stream to experience and observe the environment to do our reflections. This is sort of the nature journal entry? Then we had our rest time till dinner and got ready for the night mangrove walk! So ya, we started our mangrove walk about 9pm and yupp, we got to learn more animals and mangrove in there. I did not like the feeling of walking in the muddy river! But i still enjoy myself during this walk with my sandy shoes. Lols.

Day 3: Freshwater stream, snorkelling and group presentation
Again, we woke up at 6am and had our breakfast. We were going snorkelling today! However, my sis and I did not snorkel because my parents did not allow. So we were really sad! BUT, both of us did something really defiant. We snorkelled in the end and what was worse, both of us snorkelled WITHOUT life jackets. We did not borrow the equipment and after seeing others snorkelling, we really wanted to. So the agent and our teacher said that we could even go down the sea without life jackets as we knew how to swim and as long as we stayed near the boat. We were quite surprised though. Anyway, even our teacher could not stand it and even joined us in the sea together without life jacket lols. After that, we went to marine park for more snorkelling. Okay, the sceneray in the sea is REALLY BREATHTAKING. There were so many fishes and corals! And there were a few chances we got the chance to touch them! I really missed them! About 1230pm, we set off back to tioman. On the boat, we took som pics and lols, we were so lame -.-“ We went to the forest again to do our data summary again and prepared our group presentation. Then at night, we had our group presentation. We had a very bad experience on this group presentation which i would nto elaborate further. After that, we prepared for our set off journey back to Singapore tml.

Day 4: Journey back to Singapore
Again, we woke up at 6am and had our breakfast. We went to the beach to take some last few pics and did our shopping for souvenirs. About 10am, we did our reflections and feedback and then got ready for checkout at 11.30am. Took some pics of our room! After that, we left tioman by ferry and bus. I really missed it and the days we enjoyed there. I think all of us have tanned our skin real dark. lols. So yupp, reached at nite and got ready for school the next day!

haha. is really very long because i really want to share my whole experience with all of you. So yea, wrote all of them (: Hope all of you enjoy reading it.

i am a BIG FAT LIAR

2007-08-05T12:31:00.000+08:00

okay.
i am very bad.
i am an arsehole.

i know it's wrong to lie.
but i still did it.

supposedly to have tuition today.
but ytd i slpt very late and didnt slp well.
woke up every 3 hrs.
woke up at 12am, 3am, 5.30am, 7.30am.
because trying to rush my work and didnt bathe.
so didnt slp on my bed.
ended up slping on my crampy chair.

and i have to take the bus all the way to boon keng for tuition.
but when i reached there.
i really cant make myself to go for tuition.
i even slpt on the bus.
so yarr...
lie to my tuition teacher tt i had cip.

and i actually feel really guilty.
start to regret it.
but is true, already did it.
what to do.

somemore i'm going tioman this coming week.
will miss his lesson again.
okay.
i'm very sorry for my wrongdoings.

but i'm really very tired.
this whole week i had been slping an average of 4-5 hrs a day.
everyday.
i really need to recharge my batt.
even ytd i slpt awhile only.
cos i have maths tuition.
then need to go town and buy my leech socks.

this coming week not going to have enough slp again.
sighs.
i think i will have big panda eyes soon.

so pls forgive me!!!
I AM SORRY.

totally PISSED.

2007-07-28T12:07:00.001+08:00

dont really know what happened to me these days.
everything just doesnt seem to be smooth.
and whatever i do.
or whatever people do.
it just PISSED ME OFF.

sighs.
maybe i have been feeling really bad mood.
and it seems like the one who pissed me off the most.
is my dad.

whatever he has been doing or saying.
they just sound very irking to me.
and feel like shouting at him instead.
or even punch him -.-"

okok.
i noe i sound very unfilial.
but...
just cant help it.
because it's just getting on my nerves.
aww...

i really cant wait to get out of spore.
to tioman.

maybe by tt time.
my mood will change.
and my life has a better start off.

hope so.

lost.

2007-07-10T21:55:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BDAE PAMELA!
is my youngest sis's bdae.
hope she enjoy her day today.

ok get back to topic.
get back all our mid year results.
this is the first time in my jc life.
that i had passed all my subjects.

of course i am very happy.
and i meet my mid year targets.
except my chem.
so i am quite disappointed with it.
think i let down my tuition teacher.
but is ok.
i will work for it for my promos.

but somehow.
i dont feel gd in certain ways.
in a corner of my heart.
i dont know why.

so feeling quite lost.
and yea.
want to mug though.

but it seems like i am always sleepy.
no matter how much i sleep.
why am i always feeling so sleepy?

and it actually sort of making me depressed and bad tempered.
cos i am always feeling so lethargic.
even just walking. can also make me frustrated.
so everyone pls forgive me if my attitude turns bad these days.
i am trying my best not to show my attitude.

issit because i am already mentally drained?
or just that...
another way for me to escape from certain things.
which i dont really know.

sighs.
i just dont feel good.
and i hope that i can get pass this period soon.

anyway.
hope tt i can continue to keep up with my current performance.
and perform better.

by promo.
i really hope tt i am able to get average Bs for all.

cos this is the reason.
that makes me go through this whole hell thing from the beginning.

and i will definitely make it true.

shopping!!!

2007-06-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

YES!!!!!
YESSS!!!!
YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

ok. it sounds abit extreme or exaggerating.
but i'm really happy that.
my exam is OVER!

yuppp.
ytd was my last paper.
hmm...
dont really want to think about it.
but to just enjoy my life now.
because i'm really tired after these weeks.

so i decided to pamper myself.
erm.
ok.
i think is abit over pampered.

because i realise that i have spent...
almost to 400 bucks??
100 plus for clothes.
156 bucks for shoes.
100 bucks on hair.
10 bucks on slippers.
20 plus on accessories.
20 bucks on bag.

and i think i may still continue spending -.-"
maybe because of the gst hike.
it's really drives me nuts.
had never spent so much in my life b4.
sighs.
should be going broke soon.

but anyway.
i enjoy my day out today with yan and ailing.
at town.
just bought uniform and some accessories.
and walk around. chatting away like we used to be.
really miss those times we had.
and glad tt we are able to do it again (:

took neoprints.
and it turns to be the worst we ever took -.-"
this should be the only one we are sad of haha.

oh ya.
u noe sth.
did any 4e1 receive an email from bio tan???
i am surprised to receive one from him!
seem like he is still fine and "humorous"
lols.
ok. really miss sec sch life...

GOING NUTS!!

2007-06-26T21:03:00.000+08:00

ahhhhh.
i'm going nuts soon.

stupid bio stupid bio!!!!
tml last paper and i will be free!!
cant wait for this bloody bio to get over soon!

pressure? sad? blame myself?

2007-06-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

sighs.
it seems like i lost my motivation.
i mean really lost it...

after today chem paper.
i actually felt very sad and depressed.
and angry wif myself.

didnt mention it to anyone.
dont wan to trouble my friends.
believing tt it's not very nice.

but...
i really feel sad.
it's the same topics.
and i still cant do.

if can pass is already not gd enough.
just imagine if fail...
and different thoughts just came to my mind.
teachers. parents. and principal.

i dont know how to face them.

this is the first time...
i feel so disappointed.
i cant even concentrate on my econ.
because i think i really lose hope and motivation.

see no pt of studying when my mind is all abt chem.

i feel like talking to someone...
but i dont know who i can talk to.
what if i jus talk....
just find me a nuisance?
or being self centered...

sighs.
i think the following few subs...
i will flunk them.

because i am already at the bottom of the pit.

why am i feeling so...

2007-06-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

heavy.
is the only word i can describe about my feeling right now.
ever since this holiday started.
i have never feel any better than before.

seem like being back to sch for lesson should be a better choice.
at least i wont be feeling so frustrated, angry and pressurized.
probs are just coming all the way to me.

maybe just tt i'm not gd at handling probs.
i just cant take pressure?
i will just break down when everything just pile on me.

maybe i have given myself too much pressure.
which makes matter looking more worse than it supposed not to be.

i think study should be the biggest factor...
honestly speaking.
i think tt...
i am feeling more and more inferior bt myself.
for not being the best.
for not achieving what i supposed i want to be.
i never had this kind of feeling before...

this kind of feeling is like...
never ever want something so badly.
so badly that it can drive me crazy.

i dont know what exactly i wan from myself.
and just wish tt my mind dont think so complicated.

everything supposed to be fall in pieces.
but somehow.
it just didnt happen.

i dont know why.
it seems like my life.
has become... incomplete?
it's just seem to lack of something.
which really makes me feel like crying.

i really hope i can figure it out!
because it's just making me so miserable.
it seems like my days are just getting more and more heavy.
esp this holiday.

can everything just get over soon...

DAMN FRUSTRATED (0_0)

2007-06-08T21:37:00.000+08:00

ok. just back from home not long.

didnt actually expect to blog today.
but just that.
i am feeling damn WHATEVER.

just reached home.
and i already bombarded with laptop prob.
and got to start thinking of revision.
and whatever.

honestly speaking.
i dont know is it because i decided to retain.
that i feel pressurized to do well.
even for mid year.

i will start scolding myself over and over again.
for not studying for my mid year.

ok i start mugging.
but i just feel tt i didnt do enough.
and i dunno why.
i have to be troubled with the DAMN BLOODY laptop of mine and my sis.
just add on to my burden.

next.
my next week will be filled with sch stuff.
and THAT'S THE ONLY WEEK LEFT FOR MUGGING.

and what?!
i didnt mugg?
bio???
gone case.

and yea.
my sis.
gosh, she's really studying.
and me???
slacker??

only if someone's there to help me out.
get me away from those BLOODY PROBLEMS!!!!

so that i can just concentrate on my studies!
have to go down to the darn sim lim square again.
and tt's going to take my one whole day again.
WHAT THE HELL.

no time for resting.
no time for mugging.
no time for outing.

AH JUST whatever...

having one- good or bad?

2007-06-02T11:33:00.000+08:00

i got a new laptop on 31 may, vesak day.
the day when the IT exhibition is held.

my dad actually purchased 2 laptops -.-"
one for me and another for my two sisters.
sighs.
at first i didnt really wan it.
because he had to spend more.

and i was afraid to share with my sis too.
since they already spoilt the previous one.
if i shared with them and one of them spoilt it...

i would definitely get the scolding from my dad.

anything wrong with the com.
i have to be always the one to settle it.
getting sick of it.

and tomorrow.
still have to go down to sim lim.
to settle certain matters on the laptop.
got to waste my time again!

think my mid yr revision.
can just forget it.

really scared...
tt i dont have the time to study.
really need to do well this time!
so god.
just help me.

pissed?

2007-05-24T13:43:00.000+08:00

have u ever been late before?
and because of being late.
will u ever just skip school?
when u are already sec 3.

that is what my youngest sis is doing.
sighs.
my mum actually overslept today.
supposedly she had to wake up at around 6am.
but she overslept for 30 mins.

and my sis had to reach sch by 715am.
because of worrying to get detention.
she just cried all her way just to skip school.
and so.
my dad have to waste money for her to see a doc in order to get a mc.

and ya.
the apple laptop is spoilt.
and she always has the habit of just dumping eveything around.
now we cannot find the warranty card for repairing.

get abit irritated by her action.
i mean.
why cant she just keep everything properly and be BLOODY sensible???

she just makes everyone frustrated and bad mood.
getting sick of her action.

now.
she is throwing her bloody temper.
feel like....
F***

my mum is not HER MAID.
and i am not going to get a bloody scolding from my dad because of her action.
of SPOILING THE COMPUTER.

AWW!!!!!!!
someone just shut her mouth!

HOLIDAYS.

2007-05-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

been weeks ever since i updated my blog.
hmm.
been quite busy sometimes.

study.
homework.
school activities.
tests etc.

as from yesterday my holidays started.
so i have time to blog!
haha.

at last i can rest for a few days.
but got to mugg for my mid year.
which is after my june holiday.

must get good grades.
since i actually studied before.
and i did badly for my previous few tests.
so got to work real hard this time.

and ya...
those past days.
been quite pressurized too.
let not talk about it since is over.

just hope tt everything will just be fine.
and do well for my mid year!

study hard.
play hard XD

new start. new class. a new beginning. Part 1

2007-04-22T11:21:00.000+08:00

wow.
been really busy for this whole week.
now then get the chance to blog about it.

yupp.
just went to my new class on mon.
07s02.
haha.
sounds so weird to be in the 07 class.
used to be in 06s02 then 06s04.
hope next year wont end up in another class okaes.
sick of always changing new class.

seem like my luck is getting real down.
ever since last yr.
my life isnt getting anymore better.

so...
hope it will better by tomorrow.

ok.
tell you guys more about my NEW LIFE!

hmm.
my new frens are quite nice and friendly.
some of them actually took the initiative to talk to us.
and yupp.
they look and behave totally different from my previous frens.
more hardworking...?
lols.
feel as if i am "big sister" in tt class.
though some really dont look like j1 to me.
seriously.
i feel myself looking more like j1 -.-"

being in this class.
i think i should be able to mugg.
i dont mind being called mugger by now.
since i WILL be mugging soon.
hello.
i already retained.
time to work hard!
haha.

and yea.
some of them are quite fun loving.
so the feeling isnt that bad.

but somehow.
i still miss my previous class.
especially when they called us back for a gathering on fri.
a tinge of sadness actually felt in me.

sighs.
but for a better future of mine.
i have to endure it.

new start. new class. a new beginning. Part 2

2007-04-22T11:20:00.000+08:00

yea...
i know that since i opted for retain.
my future journey in junior college is going to be a tough one.
i mean REAL tough.

this week i had already faced some of them.
quite tiring and torturing though.
have been sleeping late and rushing to settle my stuffs.

hope that by tomorrow.
everything can be at a slower pace.
DUH.
you know why the reason i chose to opt for retain?
so that i can slow down my pace to study better!
not for rushing my stuffs -.-"
if is like that.
that's no difference from staying in j2.
because i dont want myself to be tired out.

fri and ytd didnt get to slp early again.
reach home at 8am ytd!
didnt go home since fri.

because of my sch activity- night jaunt!
from 7pm-8am lols.
is quite fun.
visited places like.
night safari.
changi village.
old changi hospital.
east coast.
geylang.
lim chu kang cementery.

but is really tired.
because this whole week i never get to slp b4 12.
slp less than 5 hrs per day.
i slpt at 5 am ytd!
and woke up at 9am today -.-"
but i not tired at all?
maybe i start to get used to this kind of timing.

think i nothing much to say.
shall update again another day.
hope for a better tomorrow!! =D

big turn in my life: RETAINED Part 1

2007-04-13T20:23:00.000+08:00

yeah...
remember about the last post when i said if i should retain?
i had came to my decision.

i opted for retain.
actually already taken effect since mon.
when i went to the principal to ask for it.

this was the most shocking and unexpected decision that i would ever made.
and i cant believe that i actually did that.

not many people know about it.
because i kept it quite low profile.
and it took me lots of TORTURING and DEPRESSING days.
to actually come with this decision.

i had too many factors to worry about.
especially...
my sister.
sighs.
i will be in the same year as my sister.
and real lucky.
i am not in the same class as her.

a big turn in my life: RETAINED Part 2

2007-04-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

yupp.
i know my class today.
hope it will be a nice one.

another year for me.
and i really cant predict what will happen in the future.

i only know that.
i am not ready for A level.
and at first.
i think the principal did not really want to let me retain.
because i didnt meet the criteria.
maybe because i told her my situation.
she decided to give me a place.
despite the FLOODED J1.

anyway.
since i retained.
i will definitely go to medicine faculty!!!
A A A A A!!!
my target XD
haha.
so ambitious -.-"
but really hope i can make it.

and yupp.
yan! dont feel sad anymore ok?
because being yr fren.
i will feel sad too =(
so cheer up!
and let strive hard together (:

TIME TO WAKE UP.

2007-04-05T20:03:00.000+08:00

sighs.
ok.
NO MORE enjoyment.
NO MORE slacking.
NO MORE procrastinating.
NO MORE sleeping.

now, it's the time to wake up.
i left just FIVE MONTHS.
to rush off all my topics.

i really dont know if i can make it.
from my common test results.
i dont think i am ready for my A level.

i cant help but to think if retaining will be a better choice for me.
maybe i can perform better.
maybe i can have more time to study.
maybe i can get the grades i want for my A level.
and maybe i can get into medicine.
yeah right.
MAYBE.

i cant predict the future.
just like now i cant promise myself that i am able to mug all my subjects.

i cant blame anyone but myself.
for not putting my best effort to study.
for spending my time away for nothing.

now i have to face the dire consequences.
i think i am now real lost.
i feel as if i am just hanging in the air.
and will fall off at anytime.

i lose my sense of direction.
i really dont know what i want now.
to carry on with my A level.
or just study for another year.

i really dont know.
and i hope i can find the answer...
SOON.

because.
the registration will be next wed.

NERD LOLS.

2007-03-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

DONT BE DISCOURAGED.
BE A NERD.

LOLS
LOLS
LOLS
LOLS!!!!!!!

by my chem teacher- mr hou XD

YES! It's over. Part 1

2007-03-22T21:34:00.000+08:00

today my common test is officially over.
for me i mean.
but i dont think i will do well...
so sighs.
dont talk about it then.

anyway i had gone to watch mr bean holiday with grace!
been sometimes ever since i watched a movie.
the storyline not good at all but is quite entertaining.
quite funny though.

but what i wan to talk is...
wu zun!!!!

YES! It's over. Part 2

2007-03-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

okay.
i actually gone nuts over him after watching hana kimi.
he's really very shuai!
next time i want to find a brunei bf!
and he's like so rich.
didnt expect him to be so rich -.-"
like him damn alot!
gosh gosh.

i love him!!!!!!!

what has happened to me exactly???

2007-03-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

hmm...
sorry for what i had written for the last blog entry.
really felt very down tt day.

for now.
i dont really know how i am feeling.
or even what i am thinking?

sighs.
common test is coming.
and it seems like i am still not ready for it.

maybe i am still fussing over my chinese grade.
i had decided not to retake it.
i think it is true.
to waste my time to actually retake it.
so..
i cant be bothered to retake.

but saying that i do not mind about it.
is really bluffing you all.
because i do mind it.
but what to do?
i cant change the grade.

worse is that.
heard from rumors that our pw is not doing very well too.
ok.
so mean SECOND BLOW.
sighs.
dont know how am i going to handle it.

common test is already a taxing matter for me.
now another pw.
aww...

i do have abit of motivation to study.
but i always dont have the determination or endurance to make myself do it.
my bad habit- sleep!!!

can somebody just tell me a way to make me stay awake???
like now.
i think i going to fall asleep.
even typing now.

ahhh.
i dont know!!!

FED UP! Part 1

2007-03-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

today my mood is really damn bad.
i never feel so down in my life before.

because of two things.

first.
is my chinese A level.
and dont bother to ask about it because i dont want to talk bout it ok???

second.
i am really tired and fed up.
maybe is i am in the wrong.
or ya.
is totally my fault.

it seems like whatever i do.
it just wont please u.
i really dont know what i have to do now.

it looks as if nobody really cares about my feeling.
i have already been trying my best to give in.
and trying not to make u feel upset.

and it seems like it didnt work.
seriously.
i am really tired and disappointed.
why everytime must like tt?
can one at least just give a thought for me????

being concerned for u.
it seems like it become a nuisance to u.
being like nobody matter.
it seems like i dont bother for u.

i really dont know what to do.
just tell me exactly ok.

FED UP! Part 2

2007-03-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

i am already burdened by lots of stuffs.
esp my personal matter.
pls dont add onto my pressure can?
i will break down.
and it seem like i already did.
it've been accumulating for days, or even weeks.
i really dont wish to continue on...

really feel like being alone sometimes...
because i really dont know to do.

stay or retain? Part 1

2007-02-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

another week had gone!
and chinese new year had just over.
time passed really fast.
especially for this year.

feel that it's abit too fast.
when i myself is still not prepared for A level -.-"
this is fact and i dont want to deny it.
sighs!

how???
to push myself to mug harder.
aww.

at least i did go for consultation.
because sick for so many days.
need to make up for all the lessons that i had missed.
especially for econ.
when i have NO IDEA of what is going on at all.

and what's more sad is that.
i have a feeling that even my forte subject, maths.
i'm going to FLUNK it.
real BAD.

Stay or retain? Part 2

2007-02-23T22:20:00.000+08:00

common tests are coming soon.
have my GP test on 9 mar.
then the real common test will start straight after my mar hols.
what a nice choice to choose -.-"
then i feel that there's even no reason for me to do badly?
our principal also told us that by gauging from our common test.
our ct tutor will tell us if we're ready for A level.

so...
if i am told that i'm still not ready.
am i supposed to appeal and retain?
i really dont know...

this matter really get on my nerve.
most of the time.
or even every sec whenever i am relaxing?
even now.
seem like nobody will be able to give me an answer but myself.

i really dont know.
if i really want to get in medicine faculty.
i think it's a must to study another year?
based on my foundation now...
i dont think i can make it )=

sighs.
i dont have much time left.
just hope that something can really struck my mind or whatever.
or maybe a boost of hope or energy.
to make me work harder.
for my only and own future and fate of mine.

HOSPITAL?! (0_0)

2007-02-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

ok.
i had gone to gleneagles hospital today.
didnt go to school again.
sighs.

went for some personal checkup.
hmm...
sighs.

the result is NOT that good.
getting quite worried about it.

why bad things always happen to me??
esp this year.
hoping for a gd year..
but..
sighs.
firstly sick.
now this.

and my A level is this year.
i have enough worries.
no more please!

and ya.
need to take a blood test.
and i SCARE of needles!

it really took alot of courage for me to do so.
when the nurse inserted the needle.
i saw the amount of blood she drew from me.
felt so wobbly.

and didnt eat my lunch.
so after that.
felt quite giddy.
and yupp.
lucky my mum held onto me.

glad that i didnt go for blood donation XD
if not..
i will be dead. lols.
till now still feel so giddy.

and ya...
need to go back for the blood test result on 9 march.
hope everything is ok!

*cross my finger*

SICK! STRESS!

2007-02-15T13:17:00.000+08:00

aww...!
been sick ever since tuesday.
had fever on that day- 37.9 celsius -.-"
been mc for on wed too.

now.
been asked to go home by my bio teacher.
maybe she feels tt i am too sick.
so after my A level practical.
she asked me to go home.

at first.
quite unwilling to leave.
because i already missed 1.5 days.
now i missed 2 days plus tml.
equal 3 days!!!

going hospital tml for checkup.
and worse is that.
sick before chinese new year.
sighs.

i really worry alot that i cant catch up with my schoolstuffs.
my chemistry is really getting bad.
and i miss most of chem lessons.
miss chem yesterday. today which has lecture and tutorial.

i really have lots to catch up.
somemore.
this year i'm having A levels.
more stress.

hope i can just recover.
FAST.
i mean REAL FAST.

i am lacking of time SERIOUSLY.

aHHH!
going nuts!!!!

KBOX!

2007-02-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

woo!
went to kbox with yan today!

gosh.
it've been a very long time ever since i get to go out and enjoy.
and it've been a long time i had gone to kbox.
and yea.
i went today!

both of us were so excited yesterday.
to SING.
lols.

we went for the k lunch.
and if i were not wrong.
the price increased?!
last time 7+++.
now is 9+++ (0_0)
and we got to pay $11.10 nett.
what the hell!
so EXPENSIVE.

but is alright (=
because we really enjoyed XD

both of us realised that.
11-2pm (3 hours) was really NOT ENOUGH for us.
lols.
there was so many songs we wanted to sing.

and we sang like crazy people.
i think XD
wahaha.

and yupp.
i had bbq chicken rice while yan had fillet fish rice.
i didnt expect it to be so big -.-"

it was like with.
cucumber, octopus, jelly and chicken(alot!).
i at first dont want to eat the octopus!
but i dont want to waste it.
so i ate it.
it looks disgusting.
but actually...
it tasted not bad =)

after finished it.
i was like so bloated -.-"

and yea.
went for swensen at night too.
with my mum, aunt and pam!
hoho.
also been very long we gone to swensen!

i think i have overeaten though.
so full!!!

RUN! RUN! RUN! Part 1

2007-02-01T18:24:00.000+08:00

today is really a longggggggggg day.
erm not really long on the beginning.
we had GP essay test.
ok. GOSH.
i think i will FAIL it.
F-A-I-L.

honestly speaking...
i am actually quite worried though.
because i didnt manage to complete it.
and i was lacking lots of points to write.
had to blame myself for not reading up.
this was my first GP essay test for this year!
and i am going to flunk it.
sad... and sighs.

then bio prac.
quite fun though.
but my eye get blurr.
thanks to the microscope.

ok.
is the chem lect tt's KILLING.
so long and boring -.-"
i hate thermal energies!
then chem tutorial.
that's fine too.

and last one- PE!
ok! today PE.
CRAZY.
we have to run 1.6km.
but is splitted to 4*400m.
and get to rest for about 15secs every round?

it sounds nice and cool rite.
BUT.
each round has to be completed at a certain time.
first round- 2min.
second- 2.15min.
third- 2.30min.
fourth- 2.45min.

it may sounds easy.
but is TORTURING.
this is my ever first DEVIL PE teacher!

but i quite like it =X
because he does tt in order for us to improve our timing.
i hope i did.
i manage to complete all of them within the timing.

he said tt he wants to push me to run less than 12min for 2.4km.
i hope i can!
i want to break my record!
yupp =)

RUN! RUN! RUN! Part 2

2007-02-01T18:22:00.000+08:00

and today is already 1 feb.
i think i'm still in my own world.
aww.
time to buck up! but i cant =(

ok. you see.
i always reach home around average 4pm?
and i always tired.
so i sleep till 6pm.
do for 1 hr.
watch let it shine.
then bathe and start doing again.
and the time i have to do my work.
is only enough for me to finish my school stuff.
WHERE GOT THE TIME TO MUG??
ahhh...

dont know how am i going to get to university.
had a visit to NUS yesterday.
and yea.
DERTERMINED to go there!
love the school.

but at the pace i am going...
erm there will be miracle huh?
haha.

but i will try my best.
only if i have the will to do so.
so god!
give me the strength!!!

haha.
think i crap too much today.
overwhelming emotions!!! XD

S.H.E concert!!!

2007-01-28T15:20:00.000+08:00

just reached home not long ago.
had gone to my auntie's house to stay overnight yesterday.

because i had gone to S.H.E concert yesterday!
haha.
i knew alot of you were jealous rite?
lols.

actually.
i didnt really want to go.
because i had tons of school stuff to do.
so i asked my youngest sis to go.

but what the hell.
she last minute backed out.
in the end i got to go.

i was really quite angry.
because she delayed all my schedule.
now thinking of it.
it really pissed me off.

hmm.
but the concert was quite enjoyable.
they had special guests- fei lun hai and stephanie sun.
quite nice.

and i took some pics of it!
they were not very clear because it was quite far.
didnt even look like from VIP seats -.-"

haha.
but i didnt want to go anymore concert!
sort of sick of them.

disappointed.

2007-01-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

feeling quite down today.
because of certain things.

make me feel so fed up and frustrated about it.
dunno what exactly happen.
just making me feeling unhappy and dampen my spirits.

hmm.
i wont say is unhappy.
instead.
feel real sad about it.

sighs.
forget it.
it's no use.
just hope that everything be fine.
because i am really tired just to think about it.

damn full! XD

2007-01-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

yupp.
came home about 10.30pm after celebrating my aunt birthday.
after that been doing my gp powerpoint.
aww...

took some pics.
so decided to put up (=

we had buffet at changi hotel!
it was really exp -.-"
it costs about $33++ for each person???
but luckily.
my dad had voucher.
so there was not a need to pay so much.

my dad called wine.
but he himself didnt drink because he was driving.
and he called one for me too -.-"

it seemed like those ppl cant recognise that i am still below 18 XD

ate real full.
love the pasta alot.
their dessert!
were really nice.

but at the same time.
feeling sinful.
we didnt really finish all the food.
just took and realise cant finish.
but they tasted gd.

but the main course not tt nice.
after tt took pics with our aunt!

my sis and i do some stupid pose -.-"
i knew we looked idiotic. haha.

happy birthday, aunt! ((=

2007-01-21T12:15:00.000+08:00

woo.
didnt blog so longgg.
time to do so!

today is my aunt's birthday!
last year didnt bought anything for her.
this year.
also didnt -.-"
still thinking what we should buy ('',)

yesterday went to mug with yan at jurong lib.
and met my aunt and pam for dinner.

today.
we would be eating at changi hotel!
to celebrate my aunt's birthday.
so yupp.

and i havent complete my sch stuff -.-"
seem like now every week at least we have one test.

taken bio test on first week.
second week- bio again.
third week- chem.
this coming week- chem again!!!
last week of jan- maths.
what the hell.

A level really can kill.
but nvm.
just work hard for this year!!! =D

and yea.
i miss my sec friends.
wondering how they're doing... =)

inspired?

2007-01-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

been days ever since i updated my bloggie.
time for update!

wow.
yesterday i am so tired that i had slept from 5pm to 7.30am -.-"
this week didnt really sleep well.
appetite is also not getting good--> i dont mind wahaha.

yupp.
i remember what mr yeo had said yesterday during the j2 assembly.
his questions:
-what have you been doing for the last 8 holiday weeks?
-what will u be doing for these next 8 months?
-what will u be after the next 8 years?

yea.
my last 8 hols weeks.
WASTED.
and that's true -.-"
i shouldnt deny and continue living in my own world.

i think it's time to start mugging.
8 more months to A level exam.
and i think i am still slacking.

i dont want to be like what mr yeo had said.
slacking till june and then start panicking in sept.
will be too late.

but the thing is that.
i really cant motivate myself to study.
not because of television.
or even computers.
is because of.
SLEEP!

aww...
i love to sleep so much!
and everytime study halfway.
i want to sleep!
gosh...
this will really kill me.

u ask me to sleep now.
i can!
i just want to sleep.
and i also cant stay focus.
because my mind just get tired when i see crammed words all around.

but for my A level.
i think it's time to buck up gal!

apply that to all my JC friends (=
let work hard together!

school starts.

2007-01-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

hmm.
the third day of school reopening.
and already there're lots and tons of homework to do (0_0)
even have a biology test today -.-"

think it's going to be a tough year this time.
lols.

now in a new claSS.
06s04.
at first.
really feel quite sad and indignant to be in this class.
but now...
just got to accept it.
no choice.

just got to work hard for my A level.
no time to think bt the class.
and gosh.
my pe lesson yesterday.
is really a torture (0_0)

1 round of running (400m).
stretching.
30 incline pull up and then 10 pushups and 10 sit up.
BUT.
if u didnt finish the 30 incline and then let go the bar.
have to do 10 pushup and 10 sit up each time u fall till u finish the 30 incline XD
3 sets of 10m jumping.
4 rounds of running (1.6km).

can kill!
today.
my whole body aches!

eat too much during the holiday -.-"
so now my fitness level really drop like hell.
and gain weight (0_0)
the worst of my life. aHHH!!

so i dont mind going through this devil training =D
i want to get back my shape XD

anyway.
the lesson and schooling at the moment is alrite.
just that.
got to mug my homework and the incoming tests.

other than that.
stay cheerful everyday! =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Part 1

2007-01-01T12:56:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
a new beginning of a year XD

today reached home around 3am (0_0)
went to celebrate new year with my friends!
with jere they all.
yupp.
meet jere and ken at 12pm.
to have suki yaki!
gosh.
i always wanted to eat that for a long time!
we sat there from 12pm-5.30pm.
cool.
didnt expect that we could stay for so long.
took a pic of my sushi!
look disgusting rite???

chatted and ate all the way.
thought weiliang they all would be joining us for buffet.
but they came quite late.

and yupp.
then we walked around the town.
visited my sis's working place at taka.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Part 2

2007-01-01T12:54:00.000+08:00

in the end.
all of us went to marina square.
because edwin wanted to eat there.
and the guys wanted to see the fireworks.

so we settled down at thai express.
in raffles city.
where jere works.
lols.
i could see that his colleagues like him alot XD
been teasing him all the way lols.

we went outside of marina square.
thinking of watching fireworks.
but suddenly it rained -.-"
so we didnt watch in the end.

waited for vivien and weitat.
then we went back to westmall with jere.
the other guys stayed for the fireworks.
and took some pics on the mrt.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Part 3

2007-01-01T12:52:00.000+08:00

yupp.
then vivien, weitat and me went to mac.
because my poor sis havent had her dinner.
and sat there chatted all the way till almost 2am -.-"
we walked all the way home (0_0)
but in the end we ended up at the caltex again.

and my gosh.
weitat really could eat.
he ate another cup noodles when he already had mac just now (0_0)

after that.
we went home!

happy that i actually celebrated with my friends.
and it had been a long time ever since i didnt meet my sec friends.
really had a great time with them.
especially on new year eve.

hope that we would have the chance again.
soon!

hello! muggg.

2006-12-29T15:55:00.000+08:00

today is 29 dec.
which means that 4 more days to go.
school reopen (0_0)

the thought of going back to sch again.
sort of irks me.
because next year.
it's my A level.
sighs.
mean i got to really MUG.
REAL HARD.

what the hell.
think of it really dampen my spirit.
think i am still not ready for it.
maybe i getting old?
so not really suitable to go for battle -.-"
lols.

anyway.
heard i am posted to s04.
sighs.
s02 is gone.
dont really know how is that class.
but i dont think i will be able to survive well in there.
because of them...

2 more days.
new year is coming.
and that's a new start of 2007.
a new beginning of a year.

hope it's really a brand new GOOD year.
i mean really GOOD.
G-O-O-D.
dont be like this stupid year ok???

and yupp!
i HAVEN MUG.
been enjoying too long.
GOT TO MUG!!
why i sound so happy?
WHAT THE HELL.

cant push myself to do so.
need to study with friends.
did that with grace yesterday.
sort of help a little.

but she's not free today -.-"
so now.
end up using computer XD
didnt study.
aww!

i can do it!
i will do it!

later... XD